


Swag

by AutoRespawnse



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-25
Updated: 2013-11-01
Packaged: 2017-10-30 03:12:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 38,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/327132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutoRespawnse/pseuds/AutoRespawnse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a Post-Sgrub Alternia, Dave Strider and his friends have been turned into trolls and are living peacefully with their new friends and world.</p><p>Of course, not everyone has been living easy. Eridan Ampora has shut himself off from his friends after the game, scared of their judgment of him. Sure, he still goes to the parties they throw, but he’s there almost as a shadow…</p><p>When Eridan accidentally shoots Dave out of the sky one day, they strike a quick friendship out of loneliness.</p><p>The only problem is, something lurks around the corner… something that is trying to infringe upon the peace that the Trolls have been trying to maintain in their world.</p><p>Have they gotten more than they bargained for?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Waking Up, Troll Stuck

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Most Glubbin Ironic Title Evver](https://archiveofourown.org/works/279321) by [CelestialSymphony](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelestialSymphony/pseuds/CelestialSymphony). 



Your name is Dave Strider.

And you have no idea how you got into this slime-filled pod. All you know is that if feels good against your grey skin and candy-corn horns. You're naked, but you really dont care. In fact, the slime feels good on your bulge and nook. You suddenly understand what Karkat was saying when he metioned Sopor's relaxing qualities.

Hold the phone here. Call the press.

Grey skin?

Candy-corn horns??

Bulge???

Nook????

Your name is Dave Strider.

And you have just seriously flipped your shit.

You crawl out of the slime-filled pod,"recooprecoon", your mind whispers to you, and stalk in the direction of your bathroom, "ablution block". You check yourself in the mirror, "reflective body check module".

Yes. You are, most definately grey skinned, candy-corn horned, and weirdest of all, dickless.

Which would be cool.

If you were a girl.

But you're not.

You are, without a doubt, most defiantely, a BOY.

Upon further inspection of your body, you notice you do not have nipples anymore. Instead, you have two scar-like patches on your lower rib cage. You still have a belly button, but its now an outie. Not an inie like before. Your hair is now black. And along with your lack of standard male equipment, your pubic hair seems to be gone, too. 

Instead, theres this hard looking, domed, Ken-doll-esque spot where your junk should be.

"Bone bulge." You say out loud, aknowleging the mound of grey flesh covered bone.

You notice, with some bewilderment, that your complection is fair, as far as Troll skin goes. Its a lighter grey then either Karkat's or Sollux's.

Your eyes are no longer red, but pink-tinged yellow. Almost like Aradia's, but a bit darker. You are a "Rust Blood", your mind supplies once more for you. You're beginning to wonder why your head is speaking in Troll speak when you don't know it.

To ignore your brain, you distract yourself once more by observing your horns in the mirror. You run your hands from their bases to the tip, surprised by the velvety, smooth texture. Your horns are almost straight, with two small jutted out portions toward the back of each horn. A lot like Kanaya's horns, you conclude.

You hear a squawk and are broken from your thoughts. A large white crow stands in the doorway to your bathroom, blinking its eyes at you.

Tenatively, you reach out and rub his forehead and Crowdad responds with a soft caw of appreciation.

Crowdad.

You just called a gigantic white feathery dumbass bird "Dad".

You're name is Dave Strider.

And you are now a Troll.

~~~~~

Later that night, after some struggling, you'd managed to get to your clothing storage mini-block and look through your selection of clothes. It was a lot like before when you were human, but instead of shirts in red with black accents, you found shirts in black with red accents.

You pulled a shirt off the rack and held it out in front of you to observe it. You had the same symbol as Aradia, but yours was slightly darker in color, indicating your blood status. Higher then Aradia, lower then Tavros. You supposed that was okay. You never really cared for the blood shit anyway.

You also have a sweatshirt available at your disposal, but instead of Aradia's symbol, you had your timepiece cog in the same color of your blood emblazed across it. This was a relief. You'd grown fond of the cog during those days? weeks? months? in the game. It was like having a piece of your old self with you. You slipped into the sweatshirt, hardly getting tangled on your horns, but you knew it would be a pain to get off later. You also managed to find a pair of dark grey skinny jeans and wiggle into those. They were skinny, but since you didn't have balls anymore, not nearly as restrictive as they would've been.

Once dressed, you set to exploring your hive. With some ease, you found your way to the guest respite block and noted that there was no recooprecoon in this room, but a couch. A little voice in the back of your brain told you that this was not a room you were ready to visit, so you turned and left. Further down the hall, you found another ablution block and a dead end. You walked down the other way and found a set of stairs you hadn't seen before, leading to the lower levels of your hive. You were now in a large room with....

Thank heaven and sweet Troll Jegus. Those are your Timestables. You had begun to wonder if you'd ever see them again. Relieved and renewed by the comforting sight, you continued your exploration, but not before setting up a sweet discovery tune to look around to. You were definitely going to send that mix to Jade whenever you could next.

You left the main room of the floor and continued outward, noting that nothing in particular was on this floor of your hive except that last room on the left in which their lay a large pile of vinyl records. Your troll urges told you to lay on the pile and relax. Your human urges told you to find any decent music you could listen to.

You picked up one of the vinyls, only to find you couldn't read it. It wasn't in English. While you could speak English still, reading the strange symbols of letters was impossible to you.

You decided the record was useless then, and tossed it back in the pile. You now understood why the Trolls computers had automatic translators on them. English was a hard language to learn.

You left the block and found another set of stairs, leading downward. You took these to the bottom floor of your hive. You knew immediately, without looking what you'd find on this floor. Your lusus's respite, the cooking block, and your main lounging block. A plush couch and Grubevision was in the last block mentioned, along with several game grubs and controllers. You also were happy to find your old Xbox 360 and Playstation 2 were still availible for use.

Realizing how hungry you were, you moved once more, this time to the cooking block to find Crowdad already hard at work to make you breakfast. You have no idea how he was doing it, but he was. All the food resembled Earth food, but was different in color or texture. Cluckbeast eggs on Alternia were the same color as the cluckbeast's blood, so you had eggs that looked like someone had cooked down Skittles. The meat, you found, was the same way as the eggs, but Crowdad had spared you the myriad of colors by only providing standard brown and rust. You were pleasantly surprised to find that potatoes were still, in fact, potatoes and tasted just as good.

Belly full and wondering what you should do next, you managed to wander back to your Respite Block and plop down in front of your Grubtop. The winged crow decal on the back marked this grubtop as yours. You opened the contraption and let your Troll thoughts take over, swiftly turning on the top and opening Trollian.

You immediately noticed that your ChumHandle had not changed, but the color had, reflecting your blood once more. You knew that almost all of your friends were online almost as quick. Egbert, it appears had been trying to message you for almost an hour.

\--ectoBiologist [EB] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 7:56 pm--

EB: daaaaaaaave!  
EB: dave!  
EB: dave dave dave dave!  
EB: daaaaaaaave where are yoooooooou!!!!!!!!  
TG: egebert I swear if you type another multiple of eight I will find our hive and bludgeon you to death with your grubtop  
EB: oh!  
EB: there you are dave!  
EB: isn’t it weird!  
EB: we’re trolls now!  
TG: its cool i guess  
EB: so where’s your hive dave?  
EB: we were all going to meet up!  
TG: somewhere in the desert I think  
TG: reminds me of huston  
EB: oh….  
EB: i’m more toward the ocean  
EB: jade is toward the desert though!  
EB: maybe you could see her!!!!!!!!  
TG: maybe  
EB: what’s your lusus look like??  
EB: mines a dingo!  
EB: hehehe  
TG: i have a brainless feathery asshole  
EB: hehehe  
EB: a crow!  
TG: yes a crow egbert what did you expect my time-travel self in the form of a sprite again?  
TG: jegus nothing ever gets by you wisest of the wise  
EB: jeez dave!  
EB: you haven’t changed at all!  
EB: hehehehe  
EB: anyway, we’ll try to get together soon!  
TG: yeah  
TG: sure  
EB: talk to you later, dave!  
EB: bye!  
TG: later

\--ectoBiologist [EB] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 8:48 pm--

You lean back from your computer and think about your geographical location for a minute. You’d gotten glimpses of the desert through the very few wind portals in your hive, but that was only on the south side. You hadn’t checked outside yet.

You stood to do just that as your Trollian inbox exploded. The gray text warned you to stay away from your Grubtop for a while. You did not want to talk to Karkat right now.

You exited your respite block and were met by giant white feather y asshole nuzzling your arm. He was holding your favorite sword in his beak.

“You knew I was going out, huh?” You take the sword from his beak, giving him a gentle pat on the head. He only cawed in response and walked away.

Once your sword was safe in your strife specibus, you continued toward your front entrance portal, passing Crowdad and the kitchen on the way. It looked like he was cooking again. Cool.

You exit your hive and observe your lawnring. It only protrudes from your hive about ten feet where your green grass melts into desert. You were right before. This place does remind you of Huston. The only difference is that you can smell the sea in the air, salty and crisp. You’re sure that if you draw in a deep enough breath, you’ll be able to taste it as well. And you can. So you’re closer to the sea then you originally thought. Which is odd, because you’re about as low on the hemospectrum as is possible. The sea is where the purple-bloods and blue-bloods reside, right?

You want to explore more, but you can see other trolls emerging from their hives to get a glimpse at you and you really don’t want to get into a fight. Maybe later you can go out with Crowdad. He’s certainly big enough to carry you.

Upon your return to your hive, you immediately sit down to what you suppose is a lunch. Again the food amazes you. You didn’t know yellow oink beast would taste so good. After lunch you returned to your respite and closed out Karkat’s angry grey text, not even bothering to read it. You could tell he’d already gone offline anyway. Egbert had also disappeared. The only one who seemed to be available from your closest friends was timaeusTestified. Bro.

\--turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling timaeusTestified [TT] at 10:32 pm--

TT: Sup bro.  
TG: hey man  
TG: are you here like the rest of us?  
TT: Why wouldn’t I be here?  
TT: I went through that game, just like the rest of you.  
TG: yeah  
TG: that’s true  
TG: wheres your hive?  
TT: I’m in a community hive.  
TT: Kind of like the old apartment.  
TT: Where are you at?  
TG: a desert  
TG: i can smell the sea tho  
TG: so I must be close to it  
TT: That makes sense.  
TT: This part of Alternia is really bustling with life.  
TT: I’m going to guess it’s further inland then your hive.  
TG: youre probably right  
TG: i can come visit tho  
TG: my lusus can fly  
TT: So can mine.  
TT: I need to come out that way anyway.  
TG: what for?  
TT: Jake.  
TT: Talk to ya later, bro.

\--timaeusTestified [TT] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:40 pm--

You’re excited to see your bro, but at the same time, he’s not coming to see you. He’s coming to see Jake. You suppose it’s kind of cute. You’re kind of jealous. At least he has someone he cares for. Lucky bastard.

You’d always assumed you’d die alone any way.


	2. The Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ball. Yes. I mean a DANCE. Not balls. :/

After two days (nights?) as a Troll, you’d grown accustomed to most of your new body’s functions. Although, taking a whiz for the first time was DEFINITELY an experience you’d rather forget.

All nastiness aside, today was the day your brother was supposed to some see you. Jake would, of course, be here too, but you’d never met him before. You didn’t know what to expect. You just hoped your Bro got here before him.

Which, of course, you knew would happen. Because your Bro is the kind of guy who’s always early to his dates.

As if he knew you were thinking about him, your Bro landed outside in your lawn ring on a giant, white….Seagull?

You flash stepped to your entrance portal, eager to meet him, but nervous at the same time. You knew in your mind he wasn’t _your_ Bro. You know you aren’t _his_ bro. You’re still bros. But… it was different now. Technically, this wasn’t your _Bro_ you were meeting, but in fact your _Dad_. And you’re just going to stop thinking about this now because it’s making your head hurt.

You opened your entrance portal and leaned nonchalantly in the crook of the entry way, gazing at your bro behind your shades. He hopped off his Seagulldad and stared right back at you in the same fashion. Apparently, you’d raised him well enough. You gave him a curt nod, he nodded back. When you stood up, he approached you. Yes. You’d raised him well. And you really needed to stop thinking about paradoxical things again.

He patted Seagulldad in the same fashion you’d pat Crowdad as he passed his giant white bird and moved closer toward you.

“Sup, Bro?” You said, once he got within hearing range.

“Not much, Bro.” He replied.

And that is all there is to say on that matter.

Jake arrived not too long after Dirk, riding the back of a large barkbeast-like creature. You learned it was actually called a Akbash. Whatever that was. Jake looked a little too much like Egbert for your tastes. You were still sensitive about being rejected by your best bro while you were in the Veil.

After some pithy chatting in the lounging block and some random snacking on whatever it was Crowdad had brought the three of you, Jake finally said the question that had been on your mind since the first day you’d woken up TrollStuck.

“What happened?” Jake’s buck teeth were worrying his front lip as he spoke. He was curled up on your lounging sofa next to Dirk, leaning against him. “I mean, I know we were in the Veil. And that Lord English was there… We were going to fight… But that’s all I remember.”

“We did fight.” Dirk said lowly, staring off into space. “A lot of us died. I don’t remember how many, or who defeated Lord English in the end. But he went down. We defeated him and won our session.” Dirk stopped there. It was obvious to you that Dirk was upset about something. His jaw was tight and his eyes narrowed behind the anime shades he wore.

“Jake died, didn’t he?” You say aloud, voicing your Bro’s fears. You saw him wince slightly and you understood. It would be extremely hard to watch the one you love die.

“I…I died?” Jake asked, brows drawing together. “Then how am I here?”

“Winning the session must have reset the terms of the game and brought all the dead people back to life.” Dirk said, holding Jake closer to him. “It makes sense. That’s how every other videogame in the universe has always worked.”

You nod in agreement while Jake just looked lost.

“I remember dying now…” Jake muttered softly, “And Jane, too. We died together…”

Dirk shushed him quietly. You really didn’t want to hear the details either.

“Who else have you had contact with, Bro?” Dirk asked, changing the subject and putting you on the spot, obviously trying to avoid talking about Jake’s death.

“Just Egbert, Lalonde and Harley.” You say, leaning back in the lounger you’d settled into, “And Terezi. She was disappointed that my blood color changed. You?”

“Just Jake and Roxy. Jane hasn’t been very talkative.”

“Karkat sent me about four pages of dull gray text. I didn’t read any of it. But Egbert said that they were trying to coordinate a get-together.”

“Maybe that will explain some of this mindless bally-hoo!” Jake burst out and neither you nor Dirk could control the completely uncool chuckles you let out.

“Bally-hoo, bro? That’s all kinds of wrong.”

“Fuck, Jake, you’re as bad as Egbert.”

~~~~~

The second day Jake and Dirk were at your hive, the three of you settled into the lounging room again, but this time to get your game on. You had just turned on the Grubevision and were trying to figure out how to change the settings when a sea-dweller appeared on the screen and some sort of anthem played in the background.

“HER IMPERIAL CONDESCE, FEFERI PEXIES” was the title scrolling across the bottom of the screen on the ticker tape. Feferi? Now why did that name sound familiar?

“Hi everybody! I am soooo excited to be the new Condesce and to get some new laws put into plays! I’m shore we are all going to be the very best of chums!” The girl on the screen gushed. She was only about 7 sweeps old, just like you and the rest of your friends. “My first order of business however, will be to abolish a law that’s long overdue! 

There will be no more Hemospectrum! We don’t need that to dictate our lives and jobs for us!” At her statement, the crowd gasped. From what you could tell, the crowd was mostly purple and blue bloods. High bloods. The only ones who didn’t seem displeased were the five Trolls on the stage, Feferi, three girls, and one boy. The boy Troll was a land dweller, unlike the other four. He had a mustard-yellow symbol on his shirt. The Gemini symbol. The girl on his right was wearing a shirt with a purple Aquarius symbol on it, although her periwinkle-and-blue scarf covered half of it. The two were standing as far apart as possible, not looking at each other and ignoring everyone else.

The two girls to the left of Feferi were familiar as well. They looked almost identical, minus the fact that one was an Aquarius, the other a Capricorn. They both stood tall and regal, with narrow eyes and perfectly shaped hair. One girl wore a pink scarf, while the other had striped sleeves on her shirt.

“Rose.” You muttered aloud, realizing who you were looking at. Dirk confirmed your suspicions by pointing out Roxy (who you assumed was Rose’s Mom) out to Jake.

“My second act as the Condesce is to invite several of my very closest fronds from the mainland to a ball, here at my palace! We all needed a place to meet up, so this is where we can do it! Look for a drone with my letter! Glub to you later! Bye!” The peppy princess waved to the crowd as she walked off stage and toward the curtains at the back. The four on stage followed her after a couple of moments.

“A ball? She’s the new dictator. And she’s throwing a _ball_?” You stared at the screen, a little dumbstruck. Dirk shrugged.

“Who cares? Let’s just play some games.”

~~~~~

It was two days later that your invitation to the royal ball came in. You were a bit surprised when the drone had showed up at your entrance portal. A massive white crustacean-like thing that towered over you and your doorway and even Crowdad’s wingspan. A massive white crustacean-like thing holding a bright magenta envelope with glitter and calligraphy and… scented paper?

It seemed like something to laugh at. And you did, for a moment, before the angry drone shoved the envelope at you and flew away, carrying a basket full of even more magenta envelopes.

So apparently, the Condesce knew you, even if you had no idea who SHE was.

You opened the letter after shutting your door, and settled into your by now very familiar and favorite lounger.

Dave Strider,  
You are cordially invited to  
The imperial ball  
As an honored guest  
By invitation of  
Feferi Pexies  
Her Imperial Condesce.

After the bright magenta wording, there was some smaller, plain black wording that told the time and place. You knew you had to go to this “ball”. And you knew you had to go in the most garish outfit you could find or commission.

~~~~

As you stared at yourself in Rose’s mirror you concluded that this was indeed the most atrocious thing you had or probably ever will wear. The obnoxious red tuxedo-thing you had on was brighter than your old chum color and Karkat’s blood combined. The dark red accents Kanaya had woven within the candy red gave off an almost sexy appeal. But your favorite part about the whole suit was your tie. It was, without a doubt, the worst idea you had ever come up with for ironic purposes. Candy red, rust, and mint green plaid.

Yes. You were going out in public like this.

“Can’t I convince you to put on something more… attractive?” Rose asked as she helped you button your sleeves.

“No. There’s nothing you can say that will stop me from doing this.” You reply as you shrug on your jacket.

“Oh my gawd, lil’ man you are dressed like your brofer!” Roxy giggled as she entered the room. “Strider’s wearing a bright yellow suit!”

You nod in her direction as Kanaya checked the fit of your jacket and made some minor adjustments. Roxy grinned in the corner while Rose looked like she was trying hard not to wrinkle her nose in disgust.

“Well, Dave, the suit fits…. well. But if you should need a change, I have prepared another suit for you.” She motioned to the clothing block behind her. Curious, you took a peek. A plain black suit with a dark red shirt and a black tie with your cog symbol on it. You instantly feel compelled to change, because the suit in the clothing block is gorgeous.

“Kan, is my suit done?” A tall, willowy sea-troll entered the room. Every buzzer in your head went off when he spoke.

“Yes, Eridan. When Dave moves, you can find it behind green dress in my clothing storage block.” Kanaya replied, kindly. After a moment, she continued speaking, this time more conservative and choosy with her words. “It’s nice to see your hair just plain black, Eridan. It looks better then purple patch. Makes you look less… flushed.”

The sea-troll just stared at the floor, replying softly. “I wwoke up back here and it wwas gone. Do you reely think it looks better?”

“Yes.” Kanya said at the same time as Rose.

You just shrugged and stepped out of his way so he could get at the suit inside.

You realized with a start that this guy was one of the _girls_ you’d seen with Feferi at her ceremony. You felt embarrassed for him, because he really did look feminine. You have to wonder if he _knew_ what he looked like to other people.

He stepped past you and reached for the suit. As he leaned in, you were instantly aware of his cologne or perfume or whatever it was he was wearing. Subtle, but not at the same time. It smelled of the sea and the sky, the clouds and the water. Something you’d never admit to yourself or anyone else was that it kind of turned you on.

“Try it on. We’ll see if it fits you properly and make adjustments as needed.” Kanaya said, ushering the sea-troll into the same room you had been in not a few moments earlier.

You were still in the room, debating about changing into the other suit when he came out of the ablution block.

“Kan, this shirt feels a little tight…” He muttered as he came out, still staring at the floor.

Kanaya shook her head. “It is supposed to be like that. So you can wear the jacket over it.”

Compared to the extravagant outfit he’d walked in the room with, this suit was plain. He was wearing a royal purple shirt made of a silky material, plain black slacks made from the same material as yours, and his tie had a pair of little golden wings on it.

“And wwhy the Hope symbol, Kan? I wwasn’t the best about followwin’ my destined path in the game…”

“You were killed.” Kanaya said, checking his shirt measurements and tugging the fabric a bit in places. “You were never able to reach your full potential.”

“You krilled me.” Eridan said, but there was no resentment in his voice. “After I blinded Sol and krilled Fef and put a hole in you.” He said, as if justifying his death. You almost felt sorry for someone who obviously had had a hard time in the game, worse than your own. “My hope wwas gone long before you krilled me. Some Prince a’ Hope I shaped up to be.”

The room went silent as Kanaya continued her work. After she was done with his shirt, she told him, curtly, to put on the jacket and continued doing the same thing for the jacket. Once she was done, she sighed and stepped in closer to Eridan, and to everyone’s surprise, hugged him.

“The fighting is done, the war is won, and we are alive, free of Lord English. Anything in the past is the past, and we shouldn’t worry or hate anyone because of what they did. Feferi is having this ball to prove that point to everyone. Don’t worry about other people and keep your chin up. Be that arrogant prince we all remember and everything will be fine.” Kanaya said, glancing at all of us in the room. As she spoke, Eridan shook in her arms, and looked ready to cry.

“Thanks, Kan.” He muttered, and started toward the door. He paused, his hand on the knob and turned back. “Reely. Thanks.” Then, he disappeared.

“Whoooooa… TENSE.” Roxy giggled.

~~~~~

If there was one thing you’d immediately known upon arriving at Feferi’s Imperial Palace was that the fishy princess— _Condesce_ \-- knew how to live in style. The whole place was plush and magenta and full of cuttlefish. The squid-like fish were cute, but a little annoying to see EVERYWHERE. The drapes, the plates, the silverware, _the cake_. Everything was cuttlefish.

Everything, that is, except for the trolls at the ball. People of every blood color were present, from Aradia’s rusty red to Roxy’s bubble-gum pink. Only Karkat’s candy red and Feferi’s magenta stood out in the crowd.

People were pointing and whispering about Karakt, but he didn’t seem to mind. He had an arm around Terezi and was speaking with her, ignoring the rest of the room. Terezi had a huge grin on her face, and for once, wasn’t wearing her glasses. Her eyes stood out, almost contrasting her teal gown.

Aradia, who caught your eye as well, was dressed in a tunic and leggings, differing herself from the other ball-goers. She was talking to the sweaty, long-haired male you’d come to know as Equius, who you were glad to notice had exchanged his thigh-highs for a pair of real pants. Everyone seemed relieved with this change.

One of the other trolls you recognized was Vriska, who was talking with John. John seemed distracted, as if he was trying not to look down Vriska’s extremely low-cut dress. Vriska was obviously hitting on him, her hand on his chest, and her body almost pressed against his. It was a little embarrassing to watch.

Gamzee and Tavros were standing (yes, both of them were _standing_ ) at the buffet, sampling some of the food. They had their pinkies entwined together, almost shyly. Tavros’s face was a deep chocolate brown, his happiness evident. Gamzee was slouched next to him, paintless, tall, and surprisingly handsome. That was, until he spotted you and scowled. He flipped you off before turning back to Tavros.

You grinned slightly to yourself and felt a twinge of hatred in your chest. The word “kismesis” scrolled through your mind.

Feferi caught your eye, or more, her magenta princess-cut ball gown caught your eye. She was smiling and talking to Sollux, who was dressed in a black and white shirt with a mustard-yellow vest over it.

You realized everyone had probably commissioned Kanaya to make their clothing for the ball. Knowing here though, she’d probably enjoyed sewing and designing all the outfits for her friends. She’d undoubtedly had Rose to help her. Their budding matespritship was obvious to everyone at this point.

You continued your scan and saw nothing of importance. That is, until dinner started.


	3. Strider's Gonna Stride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a really short chapter. Sorry. Next one will be longer.

You had changed into your other suit when dinner was announced, deciding you should look better when you were actually supposed to be among your friends. You were glad to see that Dirk had also changed into a more subtle suit as well.

Feferi had you arranged around the table by blood color, probably more out of habit then because she actually cared about the hemospectrum. Because of this, you were seated between Aradia and Tavros, neither one of whom you had an issue with. Tavros was of course, scared of you, but you could carry on a conversation with Aradia well enough so it didn’t really matter. Dirk was on the opposite side of Tavros, so you could occasionally throw a few words his way as well. That was, when you weren’t enjoying the rich food on your plate. Directly across the table from you was Eridan, who was obviously not in any mood to talk tonight. He stared at his food and pushed it around on his plate, only occasionally nodding to Roxy or Rose’s comments. Feferi was talking excitedly with Karkat and some other rust blood. Her fish puns flowed freely from her mouth and you found her high, almost whiny laugh a bit annoying. She was too emotional for you.

You noticed John talking to Vriska animatedly and you could almost swear you heard the words “Troll Nick Cage” slip past his grey lips. On John’s left, Equius was also quiet, but you noticed him and Aradia making silent conversation across the table. The mead they had served with dinner was obviously affecting the two of them, because you could read their Red/Black flirting like a book. It made you want to gag, so you shifted your gaze down the table some more, letting your eyes catch Terezi’s glasses. She seemed to be enthralled with some story Jake was telling her. You could hear her high voice over the noisy room saying “Yes, but what did it _taste_ like, Jake?”

On your side of the table, Kanaya, Jade and Nepeta all seemed to be talking animatedly about fashion. You quickly tried to refocus your eyes. Sollux and Dirk were indulging in eating, but talking about robotics and coding in between bites.

You were going to turn back to your food and just keep eating when a sudden outburst hushed the room.

“I am not a fuckin’ wwizard and you need ta stop fuckin’ hittin’ on me!” Eridan spat, standing from his seat. He threw his royal purple napkin onto the table and turned to leave. Roxy looked stunned as she stared at the fish-prince. Eridan stomped off, ignoring the hushed whispers travelling around the room and other tables. Feferi was half way out of her chair when Vriska stood and waved to her to sit back down.

“I’ll go see what’s wrong with him. It’s fine.” Vriska said, following Eridan’s general direction out of the main palace hall. After a few moments of silence, the hall exploded into noise again. Your entrées were cleared to bring in something you guessed was dessert. By the confused looks of the other, lower-blooded trolls around you, you assumed correctly.

About halfway through dessert, Vriska re-entered the hall and went to whisper something to Feferi before sitting down. Feferi seemed pleased with whatever she had said, because she continued talking. 

Once you’d had enough of eating, you decided to exit the grandeur of the hall yourself and go see how Crowdad was doing on the rooftop habitat Feferi had created for him and the other lusii.

You easily navigated the hallways and stairs to get to the rooftop paradise by the sea. As soon as you stepped foot on the roof, Crowdad was at your side, nuzzling into your neck and cawing affectionately at you.

“Hey, Crowdad….” You smiled despite yourself and petted his feathers between his eyes, the way he liked. Crowdad just cawed again and ruffled his feathers at you. “What are you up to out here, you brainless feathery asshole?” There was no venom behind the words and if Crowdad took offense, he didn’t express it. He just waddled toward the other lusii near the pool on the roof. You were wondering why he’d go back over there when you noticed the splash of purple against shiny white scales, feathers, and fur. Royal purple.

You were silent as you approached the cluster of lusii, not wanting to shock them or Eridan, who was curled up against a giant white seahorse. The seahorse’s head lay affectionately across Eridan’s lap. The seatroll was rubbing the scales just behind the lusus’s eyes. Dried purple streaks ran down his grey skin, purple-tinted eyes staring somberly at his hands against the white scales beneath his fingers.

You must have made some noise walking up because the violet eyes looked up to meet your shades.

“Vvris, I told you to leavve alone—oh. Wwhat do you wwant?” Eridan said, sighing.

“Sup trolldude?” You reply nonchalantly, patting Gulldad for Dirk. “Sorry about Lush Lalonde, she thinks Captain Morgan is a valid sylladex option.” You sat on the side of the pool, a couple feet away from the purple-blooded troll. He continued to send an almost icy glare your way. You ignored the look and instead patted Crowdad as he lay down next to you. Gulldad also seemed attached to you, curling up behind you.

“Are both a’ those your lusii?” Eridan asked, turning his gaze from you to the two birds.

“Only Crowdad.” You reply and pet the brainless feathery asshole. The bird didn’t even blink. “Gulldad is Dirk’s.” You looked over at Eridan. “So, what’s got your bulge in a twist?”

Eridan stared back for a moment. “That’s a discussion for my moray-al. Not a stranger like you.” He said, turning to look back at the pond.

“Hey man, I’m just trying to be nice.” You say, reaching down into the pool to feel the water. It was slightly warm to the touch.

“Nice? I’vve heard that Striders aren’t vvery nice.” Eridan mumbled.

“Alright man, if you’re gunna be rude like that, I’ll just do a flying pirouette backwards out the door. Later trolldude.” You roll your eyes as you stand, walking toward the door. At the last moment, after you’ve already kicked the door open, you proceed to do a pirouette out the door and are surprised to hear laughter behind you.

“Strider’s gunna stride. Don’t be laughin’ at my _swag_ man.”

“Wwhatevver.”


	4. Near Death Experiences

You didn’t see Eridan the rest of the time you were at Feferi’s palace. In fact, you learned he left the night you’d caught him on the roof.

Needless to say, you soon forgot the talk between the two of you had ever happened. You were too busy being in else times, elsewhere, doing else things.  
The most important of which was helping the rest of your Troll friends by re-writing the laws of Alternia. You and Aradia had tried for some extensive changes, but none of them took, as certain things, like hemospectrum laws, were too deeply ingrained across all timelines for any alterations to result in a successful timeline. Eventually, the two of you worked something out. Adult trolls were still going to be sent off planet, but to places where they _wanted_ to be, and not where their blood dictated. They could also stay on planet if they wanted to care for young trolls, which was an admittedly brilliant idea suggested by Kanaya. 

Approximately a perigee was spent on changing Alternia. By the time you finally got home, you were feeling thoroughly socialized and equally exhausted. Your bent up hive looked like no one had touched it in perigees. Aside from the couple of stolen game grubs. Apparently, some troll had decided it was a good idea to steal them while you were away. You didn’t care too much. As part of Feferi’s new high council, you were entitled to more things than most other trolls. Not that you would take advantage of it, seeing as all you’d done with said privelages was go and get a shirt made. One with your broken record in bright red on it. It reminded you of the time not too long ago. But it all seemed so far away. The game, the past. It was all so far away.

Your first couple of days back to your hive were spent cleaning. You and Crowdad scoured the space, rinsing and scrubbing every little nook and cranny you could find. (He. Nook and cranny. No one was around, you could indulge in a juvenile pun.) The whole place practically shined by the time the pair of you were done. After those few days, you spent the better part of two weeks playing the games you had left over. You began to get restless though, as you often did back in Huston. Those were the times you’d take off without telling Bro, running through the streets, stealing from convenience stores and breaking into your school. You were never caught. You supposed you had your time manipulation abilities to blame for that. Remembering back, you saw all those little red streams of time flowing around you as you made your escapes.

Here, on Alternia, you were too far from a convenience store to rob one, and the chances of you getting culled for it were much higher. Plus, after the first couple of petty thieving ventures you embarked on, the rush began to fade from the criminal act.

Crowdad cawed expectantly at you as you paced past him for the fiftieth time. When you looked at him, he ruffled his wings.

“Want out, Crowdad?” You asked, realizing he wanted to go for a fly. Crowdad bumped your chest with his beak. “Yeah? Fuck man, then let’s go.”

You started toward the door, picking up your katana. It was like your swag, you never left home without it. Crowdad happily followed.

Once outside, you slid onto the overgrown feathery asshole’s back and within seconds, you were soaring through the sky, over dessert and plains. You decided to go with the flow more than ususal, and let Crowdad decide where to take you for this venture. He seemed intent on going to the sea. You’d been once before, on your way to Feferi’s palace, but you’d gone to the east, rather than the south. The tips of the mountains were already under your feet as Crowdad flew, sure winged.

A large cloud bank engulfed you and everything went white. You couldn’t see anything in front of you except a thick blanket of condensation. Crowdad didn’t seem to mind, flying along easily. The clouds began to thin and you emerged over the vast green-blue sea of Alternia. You could see some small islands out in the distance; one seemed to have an old ship lodged into the black rocks of its landscape. Aside from the one ship, the rest of the islands were bare, as was the sky around you. There were a few, small clouds clustered about. Crowdad was hovering over the water, catching his breath while you checked your surroundings. He looked back at you, asking for directions.

“Go toward that ship. I wanna check it out.” You said, nudging Crowdad with your knees. He cawed softly and started toward the ship at a slow pace, allowing you to look around.

Somehow between staring at the mountains behind you, the sea below you and the islands in front of you, you forgot that other hostile trolls were around you.

A rip of blue light and deadly heat screamed passed you, tearing your eyes from the scenery and scaring Crowdad. The next thing you knew, you were falling from the back of your trusted lusus. Falling toward the crashing blue waves below. Somehow you managed to twist around, searching for Crowdad.

The bird was shrieking and attacking an equally sized white seahorse with a purple-caped rider attached to it.

You recognized that cape. From where in your odd think pan you didn’t know.

Realizing that you were still falling from mountain top height and that the water looked much closer than it did a second ago, your lives, human and troll, flashed before your eyes. You never knew people had actually meant it when they said that their life flashed before them in near-death experiences. You realized you were wrong to call them crackpots.

And then, you hit the water.

The last thing you registered before losing consciousness was that the water was much too cold for your burning skin.

For a while after that, everything was black, silent and cold. Like what they always taught you space felt like in school. The water, you supposed, began to rush past your skin, tingling and tickling your senses. Then, what felt like the sun’s rays on your skin.

But that was impossible. You wouldn’t be able to be in the Alternian sun. It would fry you to a crisp. But in harmony, Alternia’s twin moons provided nearly as much light as Earth’s sun had.

And then cold rocks were digging into your back and legs. You could feel the oceans waves on your calves and a presence hovering over you.

“Oh fuck. I didn’t mean to krill anyone! I thought it wwas just a passin’ lusus!” The voice above you spoke with aristocracy and fish puns. This could only mean a sea-dweller had shot at you and then rescued you. But like the purple cape, this voice reminded you of something. Someone in particular. But you couldn’t remember who.

Well shit. On one hand you were shot at. By a fricking laser beam. On the other hand, it wasn't on purpose. Or porpoise, which you supposed the sea-dweller freaking out above you might say. 

Wait. Why the ever-loving fuck would you be thinking about cheesy fish puns after a fall from thousands of feet in the air? Your think pan hadn't been replaced by a bag of marshmallows, which you would totally object to, because marshmallows were tasty morsels of cloudy deliciousness, but weren't nearly cool or ironic enough to be a replacement for the fine, jewel encrusted think pan you already possessed. Goddammit, derpy nonsequitors are Egbert's domain and you shouldn't be intruding upon your best bro’s territory. That was not a thing that had to happen.

Clearly, the fall, or landing, which was probably the important part of the equation, had fucked with your head.

Or maybe it was that lack of air thing you just noticed.

Both were likely culprits.

“Ship, ship, ship! Wwhat do I do?” The sea-dweller was panicking again, but a nicker broke through his freaked lamenting. You knew that his lusus must be instructing him on the proper course of action while you were slowly drowning on dry land.

“But that means I wwould havve to….!” The sea-dweller protested. A angry squawk came from your other side. Crowdad was chiming in for your benefit.

“I hope you fuckin’ livve.” The sea-dweller muttered, closer now than before.

Then a pair of freezing lips pressed to yours and provided your lungs with much needed air. You were so grateful, you could kiss the sea-dweller above you. You guessed you’d pretty much already done that. Half a second ago in fact. But you could always do it more thoroughly. Later, when you didn't need an amplifier for that seriously ill beat called fucking _oxygen_.

Another breath later and you were sitting up and sputtering, water gushing from between your lips. Just the sounds you were making were atrocious. You could only imagine the horrid picture you painted, vomiting water onto your own pants. Gross dude. Just gross.

“Oh thank cod! Are you alright??” The sea-dweller said, panic still in his voice.

“Oh just fucking peachy. Could run a marathon across the whole gogdamn planet. Leap over mountains, traverse seas, conquer worlds. Wonder what I could do when I haven’t almost just drowned?” You managed, opening your eyes. You immediately noticed something very wrong about this picture. You could see. But there was no shady filter. Your shades were gone. The shades were important. You very, very carefully, avoid a 4x NINJA FREAKOUT DOUCHEBAG FINISHING MOVE, and focus on everything but your missing specs. Like say, the caped highblood above you. 

The purple-blood before you was staring at you like you were that one puppy someone had just viciously kicked. And he was the assailant. Which of course, you guessed he was. After all, he’d just shot you out of the sky. Which would have been much more offensive if said assailant didn't look like the poster child for those PSA announcements where people who were bedraggled and hard on their luck stated how much they regretted the follies of their youth, and that you shouldn't repeat their mistakes, but say no to alcohol/drugs/porn/sodomy/cigarettes. 

Maybe you were concussed.

The thought might have merit.

“You don’t havve to be such a total beach aboat it.”

So said the highblood in a cape. A royal purple cape, which was so ironic, you weren't sure whether or not to feel enlightened or offended that someone was upping you at your own game.

"I do so have to be a beach about it, sand wedgies non-withstanding. In the Strider manual, page 52, section 5, regarding accidental injury and death, it states pretty clear that all falls from a height of 100 feet or more require that I engage the first 4 levels of bitch."

“Oh reely? An’ wwhat wwould the first four levvels a’ beach be?” The highblood stood, glaring down at you. You had to admit, he had just as many quippy comebacks as you. You might have actually found a rival worthy of your swag here.

"They would be suck on a lemon, eat battery acid, learn to auto-fellate, and go fuck your lusus like you do every Friday night. All succeeding levels of bitch require intentional personal harm. They’re so dangerous, they require it.”

“You kiss your lusus wwith that wword vvomittin’ mouth?” The sea-dweller laughed. “You don’t havve to let the wwhole cod dam planet knoww about your after-hours specials.”

Dam. This guy was good. Fish pun intentional this time.

"I might take offense at being called an after-hours special. All Strider interactions are red carpet and silver screen worthy at all times. And I do have to advertise my gripping emotional entanglements, lest the world be deprived of the everlasting glory that is Strider at any given time.”

“Shore. Wwhatevver. Except I wwouldn’t buy that hoofbeastship. Carp, I wwouldn’t touch it wwith a ten-foot harpoon.” The highblood scoffed, crossing his arms over his narrow chest. You noticed a shiver run through him. The sides of his shirt were billowing slightly, as if he were breathing through his rib cage.

“Oh yeah? I must be pretty interesting then, because you still have me within that harpoons reach.”

"Like you're wworthy a’ a mighty wweapon like Ahab's Crosshairs. Noww get up if you can. Wwe reely should get you to my hivve to treat that concussion. Unless you wwant to further the damage to your think pan by comin’ up wwith more wwitty comebacks?" The sea-dweller turned to take the saddle off of his lusus, who nudged him affectionately.

You had to admit, his idea had weight. Your head had begun to throb and you were suddenly very tired. It was almost like you had fallen from a height of certain death-OH YEAH WAIT.“Yeah… alright.”

You shakily stood, groaning softly at the effort. Your whole body hurt like you were hit by a raging freight train and your vision was spotty because you had moved too quickly. Crowdad was instantly at your side to support you.

“Don’t movve too quickly.” The highblood rolled his eyes at you. “You’ll hurt yourself evven more.” The highblood stepped forward to support your other side. He was like an ice cube against your wet shirt and skin.

“Jegus, you’re freezing!” You tried to push him away slightly, shivering.

“Quit bein’ a wwriggler. I’m cold blooded. Purple blood. Duh.” Shame would have filled you at the quite frankly obvious little tidbit of logic, but shame, like bad hair days, ardently avoided all Striders. The sea-dweller pulled you up to your feet when your knees started to buckle. Good thing he was giving you a hand then. Adjusting one arm over his shoulder, you took notice that you were a couple of inches taller than him, horns not included. Which was an impressive feat because, like all sea-dwellers and Sollux, he was notably tall and wiry.

With his help, you shakily made it into the ship that the aristocrat obviously used as a hive. He ditched you on a royal purple sofa and moved further back in his hive, toward what you guessed was his respite block. He emerged a few seconds later, carrying some towels and clothes.

“You’re a little bit taller than me, but I think you’ll fit in these.” He unceremoniously dropped a pile of clothing on your chest and laid a towel on the floor. “Put your clothes on that. I’m goin’ to change. Don’t fall asleep.”

“If I’d known you were this eager to have me in your hive, I would have dressed nicer.” You retorted at his back as he stalked away. The seahorse in the corner let out another nicker that sounded a lot like a laugh. You smirked at him. “Glad to know someone has a sense of humor.” You looked down at the clothes in your lap. A black long-sleeved shirt and a pair of blue-striped pants. No underwear. Wonderful. So you were going to chafe for the rest of the time you were here _and_ on your already taxing ride home.

Regardless of your personal issues with going freebird, you stood as well as you could and started to strip. When you almost fell over backwards, the seahorse came up behind you and held you up.

“Thanks.” You said, pulling the shirt on. It was made of a softer fabric then your shirt was and the royal purple Aquarius mark on your chest stood out more than your dark red had. You were obviously more muscled then the Purple-blood. His shirt clung to your figure, and you could almost swear you could see your wriggling scars on your sides.

You shimmied out of your pants and underwear grimacing at the way they stuck to your hairless skin. It was almost like they were suction-cupped to your body. As soon as you’d pulled your legs out of the pants and tossed them to join your shoes and shirt on the towel, you tried to step into the pants and nearly fell again. The seahorse laughed again and you shot him a glare.

“Who asked you?” You shot back, pulling the pants up over your thighs. A thought occurred to you. “Hey, where’s Crowdad?” It took you a moment to realize that the seahorse was shrugging at you, as if to say ‘The hell if I knoww.’

You have no idea why the seahorse got the same speech impediment as your assailant-turned-healer, but no one had the right to question your head-cannons.

As if by some magical compelling source of connection, Crowdad came into the hive, carrying a pair of shades in his mouth.

Dear God, you loved this brainless feathery asshole.

The giant crow came over and dropped the shades on the sofa next to you, bumping you with his beak until you sat down. He was fussing over you continuously when the sea-dweller came back from his respite block.

“For cod’s sake, he’s not a wwriggler.” The purple-blooded troll said, waving the crow away. The sea-dweller himself then began to fuss over you. “You’vve got a concussion. Howw many fingers am I holdin’ up?”

You rolled your eyes at him. You were about to open your mouth and tell him that clearly you were way to sexy to be anything close to a wriggler, but Crowdad squawked at you, anticipating your words. You shut your mouth and frowned at the bird, reaching for your shades.

“Two fingers.” You muttered, sliding your shades into place over your eyes. Crowdad thrummed happily behind you before waddling over to sit with the seahorse.

“Wwhat’s your name?” The sea-dweller continued, satisfied with your answer.

“Dave Strider.” You replied nonchalantly. Everyone had a right to know your name after all. You were Dave Strider. And _all_ the bitches loved Dave Strider.

“Howw old are you?”

“Seven sweeps.”

“Wwho is the current Condecse?”

“Feferi Pexies.”

“Wwhat’s your blood color?”

“Is this you actually checking what my think pan’s status is, or just finding out as much as you can about me?” You smirked as the troll flushed.

“Just answwer the dam question.” The sea-troll snapped, his face and fins tinged purple.

“Dark red. Rust Blood.” You responded. “My turn in the question game now?” You continued before he could ask you another dumb question. “What’s your name?”

The other rolled his eyes, but returned your question in kind. “Eridan Ampora.” 

Now why did that name sound familiar to you? That was another tick on the recognition scale. Pair that with the cape, the pretentious asshole aura, the thick-rimmed glasses, and the look of contempt the sea-troll was giving you, you could swear you knew him somehow.

Your brain clicked into place when you noticed the little pair of golden wings sewn into the cuff of the shirt you were wearing. The symbol for Hope from Sburb.

You had a small flash back to being in Kanaya’s room in Feferi’s palace and a purple-blood troll talking to Kanaya about being a “Prince a’ Hope.”

“You’re the Prince of Hope, right?” You said before you could stop your mouth from opening. Eridan stared at you.

“Howw do you knoww that title?” He asked, sitting back to glare at you, but his heart wasn’t in the glare and there was fear in his eyes.

“Knight of Time, man. I played the game, same as you.” You said, frowning slightly at him. “But I don’t remember talking to you in the game.” Then again, you’d talked to a fair few people (Vantas) who had that sense of poncey righteousness (Vantas) about them, and you never really bothered to remember who was who (Vantas). 

“You wwere one a’ the Humans, wweren’t you? Otherwwise you’d havve a six letter name. Not four.” Eridan seemed content to avoid the subject of the game itself. “Like Rose or Roxy.” He stepped away from you and the sofa and turned toward the cooking block. “You must be hungry… I’ll make something.”

You watched him leave; a little surprised he had brushed you off so coolly. Most of the time, no one could brush you off. Except maybe Dirk and Egbert. But they were different. This was a guy you’d met in passing, not one of your closest friends. He should not have been able to just calmly walk away from you.

But he had. He had just up and walked away from you.

“Eridan Ampora, you may have as much swag as me. Imma have to keep an eye on you…” You declared to yourself before promptly passing out on the (rather convenient)sofa.


	5. Time Shenanigans and Princely Pantaloons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad things can't get worse right?
> 
> Even after a huge fall from the sky and the back of his Lusus, Dave learns his near-death experience CAN be worse.

“The thing with time travel is you can’t overthink it. You have to just roll with it and see what happens. But above all else, you have to try not to do anything retarded.” You explained to Eridan over breakfast. The two of you had begun talking about the game two hours before when you’d woken up next to each other in a cramped recooprecoon. 

For your part, you had tried not to freak out about being naked and sharing a coon with a troll who’d nearly killed you. Eridan had just laughed at you before unabashedly crawling out of the coon and stalking around his room stark naked.

In his defense, he really (or was it reely?) didn’t have to care what you thought about his non-existent figure. He was so skinny, kid could shimmy through the random port-holes spread along his ship-hive no problem.

And the port holes were TINY. There was no way, even with your slim athletic build you could squeeze through those time holes.

And now that you’d seen Eridan do it, you were inclined never to even _try_ getting through those stupid things.

After the both of you had dressed (you in a pair of Eridan’s swim trunks and a tank top that didn’t quite fit), Eridan had shown you his hive. He was obviously a history nut. The things that surprised you were all the stupid weird wizards! What was his obsession with wizards if the hipster didn’t believe in magic???

But being you, you didn’t question the statue of Gandalf the Grey as you walked past him, pausing only for a moment to ‘bump’ your fist to his staff.

Classic.

When the two of you had settled down for breakfast, Eridan had asked you about your powers in the games and your world.

You’d told him briefly about LOHAC and in return he’d told you about LOWAA. Though, he seemed hesitant to do so.

“So you can jump betwween timelines an’ stuff, but you can’t royally screww it up, otherwwise you’ll be up to your bulge in dead Daves, right?” Eridan asked as he picked at a piece of yellow oink-beast meat. He wasn’t as hungry as you were obviously because you barely swallowed to talk.

“Exactly. And while Daves might be cool, being up to your bulge in dead ones certainly isn’t.” You shoveled another scoop of orange cluckbeast eggs convered in grub sauce into your mouth. You hardly chewed them before swallowing. Your digestive sack could do the rest of the work for you.

“Do you alwways eat like that? You look like a starved barkbeast just out of the desert.” Eridan shoved his plate aside, picking up his water glass instead.

“I’m a growing troll. I need my daily calorie intake of ironic proportions.” You replied, finishing the last of your oinkbeast. He just rolled his eyes and downed the water in his glass.

A moment of quiet tension settled between the two of you. You decided to say the most random and raunchy thing your think-pan could come up with.

“So is the bucket really necessary?”

Eridan choked slightly and looked up at you, eyes wide. “Wwhat the fuck kind a’ question is that?”

“Honest curiosity, bro. I haven’t really gotten the opportunity to play with my troll junk yet.” You shrugged, pillar of stoicism as always. It was Eridan’s turn to blush and look away from you. He toyed with the glass in his hands for a moment before replying.

“Is that reely an honest question? Or are you offerin’?” He asked, looking up at you with probably the most pitiable look you had ever seen.

What the fuck kind of word is ‘pity’??

“Honest question, you dork. I already said that.” You laughed when Eridan’s jaw dropped and he stared at you.

“Did you just call me a wwhale penis?”

~~~~~

After you cleared up the “whale penis” thing with Eridan, he’d checked your head injury again, deeming you fit to travel. No talk of buckets happened, though. Which was too bad. You really wanted to know if they were necessary.

For some reason, you didn’t really want to leave his weird ship-hive. But you also didn’t want any more of your precious game grubs stolen. So you sucked it up, found your clothes (freshly laundered by one of your lusii), got dressed and prepared for the flight home.

Eridan followed you around like a lost puppy, as if he were unsure what to do after you left.

Just as you were shimming your way up Crowdad’s back, Eridan spoke.

“Hey… You’re wwelcome back again.” He shuffled on his feet, standing near you and Crowdad. You blinked at him, caught off guard by his invitation. “If you wwant.”

You looked at the troll again, eyeing his slim frame up and down. You figured he had to be nearly as lonely as you, being an outcast from the rest of your friends.

“Sure, bro. That’d be cool.” You nodded, offering your fist for a bump. He didn’t hesitate to bump you back. “What’s your troll handle though? I don’t wanna be shot at again.”

To your surprise, Eridan grinned instead of looking sheepish like you thought he would. “I’m caligusAquarium.”

You nodded. “Alright bro. See you later.”

With a nudge of your knees, Crowdad took off into the sky. You were soaring over the sea when you looked back, finding Eridan still standing on the beach, watching you go. A pang of pity rang through your blood pusher—until it was cut off by someone messaging you on your iShades.

\--golgothasTerror [GT] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 9pm—

GT: dave?  
TG: yeah   
TG: jake right?  
GT: oh!  
GT: There you are!  
GT: I was afraid you’d died or something!  
TG: nope im still one hundred percent alive and kicking troll ass  
GT: Where have you been??  
GT: Dirk has been in a tizzy all worried about you!  
TG: i got attacked  
GT: Oh bugger!  
GT: Did you give your attacker a good what-for??  
TG: yeah bro  
TG: i kicked his troll ass  
GT: Well, i’ll just let dirk know then  
GT: He’s been TERRIBLY worried about you  
GT: Not that he’d ever say so!  
TG: sweet deal bro  
TG: later then  
GT: So long!

\--golgothasTerror [GT] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 9:05pm—

You honestly had no idea why your brother would be so worried about you. It’s not like you guys were particularly close to begin with. You opened the blinking troll log your brother had left you in your absence for the past couple days.

\--timaeusTestified [TT] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] two nights ago at 8:53pm—

TT: Hey bro.  
TT: Have you heard from John yet?  
TT: I’m sorry bro.  
TT: Dave?  
TT: Dave?  
TT: Man, you need to make sure you log off your Trollian next time you leave.  
TT: Dave?  
TT: Bro, where are you?  
TT: This isn’t funny man. We live on a planet full of murderous trolls.  
TT: Dave Strider, where the fuck are you?

\-- timaeusTestified [TT] was not able to troll turntechGodhead [TG] and connection was terminated--

Heard from John? What would John have to tell you that was so important your BRO was worried about it?

A glance at John’s troll handle told you he’d also tried to reach you, though more adamantly then Dirk had.

But before you opened the log up, you thought for a moment.

Whatever it was John had to say must not have been good, otherwise no one would be worried about you at all.

And somehow, deep down in the pit of your digestive track, you knew you didn’t want to know what John had said.

But at the same time, you felt that you already knew.

\--ectoBiologist [EB] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] two nights ago at 7:33pm—

EB: dave!!!!!!!!  
EB: daaaaaaaave!  
EB ehehehe  
EB: dave, you’ll never guess what happened!  
EB: guess!  
EB: oh, you’re not there?  
EB: that’s ok!  
EB: ehehe  
EB: vriska’s my matesprit now!  
EB: i know you don’t like her……..  
EB: but, you’re still my best bro, right?  
EB: dave?  
EB: dave? are you there?  
EB: oh gog dave… i’m sorry if you’re upset……..  
EB: are we still friends?  
EB: dave?  
EB: i guess i’ll just leave you alone now……..  
EB: i’m so sorry dave........

\--ectoBiologist [EB] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] two nights ago at 8:05pm—

Tears clouded your eyes, forcing you to take your shades off to see. As you wiped the tears away before they could fall, crowdada cawed softly at you, sensing your distress.

“Just go back to the hive.” You told him, patting his neck, tears spilling, uncontrollably down your face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending of this chapter was something I discussed with Heimdall earlier today. I didn't realize until I sat down at my computer to write the ending that I had already set up a major plot point that I had no intention of even being in this fiction until this morning....
> 
> Dave is my favorite kid next to Dirk, but even the coolkids can be fazed by someone they love....
> 
> Also, this chapter is a bit rushed i think, but i don't know what else to add to stretch it out a bit... so it stays as it is. it's also short. sorry.


	6. Misery Loves Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave.... Dave... no. What are you doing...? Dave?? NO!!! DAVE NO!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING???

It had been almost a week since you’d gotten back to your hive after the encounter with Eridan. Almost a week since you’d learned of John’s matespritship with Huge Bitch. Almost a week that you’d cried yourself to sleep every night.

Not that you’d ever tell anyone.

But you were done crying now. You were done crying, and now you were angry. 

Angry at Vriska.

Angry at the world.

But most of all, you were angry at John.

You were better for him then she’d ever be, and yet he chose her?

What sort of cruel, twisted world was Alternia anyway? The largest maximum security prison in the universe where people took turns getting raped by the bigger, tougher inmates??

Because that’s what it seemed life was doing to you. It seemed life was dead set of shooting you dead, right in the face, then bum-fucking your dead carcass hard enough to make you explode.

And that about puts you at where you are now: sitting on your lounger, cocooned in a blanket, munching on a handful of orange creamsicles, watching that stupid thing Karkat calls a movie, “Fifty First Dates”.

You had to admit, a perigee ago, you’d had never thought you’d find yourself in the same position as KARKAT of all people.

Of course, you also never suspected you’d be shot out of the sky by a purple-cape wearing prince riding a giant white-scaled seahorse.

Which was possibly the gayest thing you’d ever heard of. You wondered if Eridan knew or even cared what he looked like.

Approximately half-way through the bullshit movie, you shut it off, seeking better entertainment on your GrubTop. John (thankfully) was not online, but it seemed no one else really was either. A look at your clock told you why.

It was almost 8am. Everyone you knew was probably sleeping.

Everyone, but Eridan, it seemed. You spotted his trollhandle at the bottom of the listing, lit up to tell you he was online.

Without thinking much about it, you opened up a chat and started to type whatever came to your mind.

\--turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling caligusAquarium [CA] at 8:02am--

TG: hey bro  
TG: whats keeping you up this late?  
CA: wwhat?  
CA: oh this must be davve.  
TG: yeah  
TG: howd you guess?  
CA: i havve an ability to sense reely big bassholes a course  
TG: only because you are one  
CA: i find that offensivve  
TG: oops  
TG: didnt mean to hurt the poor fish-princesses feelings  
CA: says the current leading lady of fallin’ from the sky  
TG: too soon bro  
CA: yeah  
CA: it reely wwas a loww bloww  
TG: yeah  
TG: don’t worry i forgive you  
CA: so glad to havve your fogivveness my lovve  
TG: you’d better be lambchop  
TG: all joking aside  
TG: whats up?  
CA: just sittin’ around  
CA: couldn’t sleep for some reason  
TG: that sucks bro  
CA: i’ll say  
CA: wwhat aboat you  
TG: i was watching fifty first dates  
TG: but that movie sucks  
CA: isn’t that like kar’s favvorite movvie  
TG: yeah he loaned it to me  
CA: could havve been wworse  
TG: how so?  
CA: could havve been con air  
TG: you have con air  
CA: wwhat kinda hipster do you take me for  
CA: a course i havve con air  
CA: that movvie sucks  
TG: its the worst  
TG: its also john’s favorite movie  
CA: oh yeah  
CA: i heard aboat that  
CA: vvris told me they wwere together  
CA: ……  
CA: this might be an odd question  
CA: but are you okay  
TG: what are you talking about man?  
TG: im fine  
TG: chill  
TG: chiller then the ice caps  
CA: there are no ice caps on alternia  
CA: they melted eons ago  
TG: oh  
CA: so i take it you’re not as good as you clam to be  
TG: no  
TG: why else would i watch one of karkats romcoms?  
CA: point  
CA: …….  
CA: need to glub aboat it  
TG: what?  
CA: your feelin’s  
CA: do you need to talk aboat them  
TG: what feelings?  
TG: striders don’t have feelings  
CA: dave  
CA: you can’t fool me  
CA: i am the fuckin’ prince a feelin’s  
CA: i feel evveryfin’  
TG: isn’t talking about “feelings” reserved for the diamond-y thing-y?  
CA: moirails  
CA: an’ yes  
CA: for the most part  
CA: just thought id offer  
TG: ok  
TG: well  
TG: thanks for the offer bro  
CA: anytime i guess  
CA: ……..  
TG: …….  
TG: what  
CA: don’t knoww wwhat to sea now  
TG: me either  
CA: wwhale  
CA: do you wwanna come ovver again  
CA: I promise not to shoot you this time  
TG: …….  
TG: yeah  
TG: sounds good

You and Eridan spent the next few minutes going over your time of arrival the next day.

The way you saw it was that even if he’d tried to kill you a week ago, Eridan was probably the only person you could stand right now.

He was also just about as lonely and miserable as you, and misery loves company. And maybe he’d finally answer that damn question about the buckets.

~~~~~

You shouldn’t have opened the black bag at the back of Eridan’s storage mini-block. You should’ve left it where it was like he’d told you to.

Instead, you sat on the floor of his storage mini-block, grinning at the purple cape and armor in your hands.

You’d found Eridan’s FLARP costume.

You really couldn’t believe he used to wear this flashy of an outfit. It was outrageous, even for him. The cape was impossibly more purple and the armor was legitimately made to withstand attacks (although if Eridan was FLARPing with Vriska, it was probably made like that on purpose).

You stared at that costume for quite a while. You honestly don’t know how long. But the something possessed you and you put the costume on.

And then you were running around Eridan’s ship hive like an excited grub, screaming pirate-y words at the top of your lungs.

Not that you would ever admit it.

There were no witnesses, either. Eridan was out hunting with Seahorsedad, leaving you and Crowdad to defend the nest, so you were free to run around in Eridan’s FLARP costume screaming pirate-y words at wizard statues and waving your katana at them.

You really were glad Eridan was gone, because you would be so embarrassed to have him walk in on you while you were gallivanting around like this. It was neither cool, nor ironic, but by Hephaestus you were doing it. You were makin’ it hapen.

It was when you stopped to wave your katana at the life-sized statue of Harry Potter in full Hogwarts robes that an idea occurred to you. It was a dumb, ridiculous, STUPID idea.

And you honestly loved it.

So you waited, patiently by the entrance portal to Eridan’s hive.

One way or another, Eridan was going to answer that damn question about the buckets. Even if it meant you had to ambush him and force it out of him.

Which was EXACTLY what you were going to do. You knew Eridan be back soon, he’s been gone for almost two hours already. All you had to do now was wait for him to arrive. You just hoped he’d be a good mood but he came back, otherwise your plan would never work.

A few minutes passed and you were getting restless. Why wasn’t he back yet? It wasn’t like killing something was that hard to do.

But even as you are thinking this, you heard feet hit the gravel outside, and Eridan’s voice coming through the walls of his hive.

As you listened, his voice came closer and closer, and the door opened to reveal Eridan and Seahorsedad back from their hunting trip, Eridan carrying Seahorsedad’s saddle under his arm.

“Davve? You still here?” Eridan called out, unable to see you.

“Kneel mother fucker!” You yelled jumping out of your hiding place.

Eridan screamed and almost fell over, shocked by your sudden appearance.

“Cod dam it Davve! You scared me!” Eridan grumbled, frowning at you. His hair was stuck to his face with sea-spray and he looked a bit disgruntled. “Wwhy are you wwearin’ my FLARP costume?” Eridan looked at you pointedly. “If you’d wwanted inta my pants this bad, ya coulda just asked.” He set the saddle on it’s pedestal next to the door.

When he turned to look at you, you held up your sword. “Ye best be ready for a fight matey, because this time I won’t take no fer an answer!” You drawled out at him and you could see it in his body as he tried to hold back his laughter.

“Wwhat the fuck are you on aboat? You’re dressed like a fuckin’ FLARPer and threatin’ the great Dualscar wwith that flimsy blade?!!” Eridan grinned back at you like a shark from the end of your blade. You saw his hand go to his pocket, presumably for his ‘wwhite science wwand’.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Dualscar.” You smirked, flicking your sword toward his pocket. “Yer defenses were weak, practically nothin’ fer me to sneak past.” You had to admit, for some reason, you were really drawn into this whole FLARPing thing. Must have been the clothes.

“It’s hard to havve defenses put up to keep someone so close out. Your betrayal cuts me deeper then your swword evver could, Composer.” For the first time since you’d met Eridan, you could see a playful spark in his turning-purple eyes as his face split into a grin. You couldn’t help but grin back. You moved your katana blade back up to rest it on his shoulder, next to his neck.

“You’re goin’ ta give me what I want, Dualscar. Or I’ll end you, right where you stand.” You pushed him back against the entrance portal, making sure you didn’t stab the wall.

“An’ just wwhat is it you wwant from me, my moirail?” Eridan asked, sneering at you. You were so caught up in the moment, you didn’t notice him call you ‘moirail’.

“I want some information, an’ you’re not gettin’ away without telling me.” You moved closer to him, grinning still. You thought it might be stuck on your face, you hadn’t done it for so long.

“Wwhat do you wwant to knoww?” He asked back, moving toward you as well.

“ **Are. The. Mother. Fucking. Buckets. Necessary?** ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to do it guys.
> 
> I had to write a chapter with Dave being a complete dork! BAHAHAHAHA.
> 
> Check out the SWAG playlist on my YouTube channel!
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9145EB44E50A0916&feature=mh_lolz


	7. The Kids Will Play

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how this chapter came to be. But it's what you get.

“It’s always so easy for the bad guys to catch the good guys.” Dualscar grinned at Mindfang who returned the expression with much more malice then anyone thought was necessary.

“W-wait… uh… why are we… captured?” The Summoner squeaked, breaking character.

“Puuuuuuuupa! Just go along with it!” Mindfang whined, pouting at Dualscar before continuing with her own lines. “They really are a bunch of imbeciles!”

The Composer and Redglare stood contemplatively behind Mindfang and Dualscar, wondering what it was exactly they were supposed to be doing in this not-very-well-thought-out scene (Vriska’s writing sucked).

In front of Dualscar and Mindfang were their victims, bound and on their knees. The Summoner and the Handmaid both frowned up at Team Scourge.

“Wait a minute, why do you have more people on your team then us?” The Handmaid frowned. “That’s not fair!”

“All’s fair in lovve and wwar.” Dualscar shrugged.

The Handmaid continued to glare, this time directing the gaze at the Composer. “Your betrayal hurts me, brother.” She was prodded by the end of Dualscar’s weapon for her trouble.

The Composer stared passively at the scene in front of him, face inscrutable behind his mask. In truth, he wasn’t quite sure what to do. He wore Dualscar’s emblem on his shoulder, signifying his allegiances to the darker side of the veil.

“Yeah! You… uhm… really are a jerk!” In his defense, the Summoner had obviously never been good at this sort of thing. Mindfang simply cackled at his words.

“Oh poor little Pupa! Trapped with all his friends and no one to rescue him!”

“Vriska! I… uh… told you to stop calling me Pupa!” The Summonder frowned.

“Yeah. Wwhat the hell Vvris? Quit breakin’ character!” Dualscar affirmed, frowning as well. Redglare snickered and muttered something quietly to the Composer.

“Oh shut uuuuuuuup!” Mindfang pouted, turning her back on her team, a blush staining her face. “It’s been a loooooooong time since we’ve done this!”

“Wwhat should wwe do wwith them?” Dualscar spoke up again, moving the plot (or what there was of it) along. He turned to face the two behind him. “She is your sister after all. At least at the blood-pusher levvel.” He continued.

“Obviously, sister doesn’t mean anything where Moirails are involved!” Mindfang grinned again, back in character. He gaze flitted back and forth between Dualscar and the Composer.

“We share the same blood!” The Handmaid muttered, staring directly at the Composer, who again showed no signs of even hearing her, hand on the sword at his side.

“Your blood is a different taste! More coppery then his apple-tasting Red Deliciousness!” Redglare grinned, swinging an arm around the Composer’s shoulders heavily. They both stumbled for a moment before regaining their silent, stoic posture.

“Wwell?” Dualscar urged, getting impatient. He prodded the Handmaid with Ahab’s Crosshairs once more. “The choice is yours, Moirail.” He said the word ‘moirail’ a bit more hesitantly around others then he did when it was just him and the Composer.

“Why does heeeeeeee get to choose?” Mindfang whined, pouting. “ **I** want to kill Pupa!” She raised her Fluorite Octet.

“Vriska! Again??” Redglare rolled her eyes. “Stop breaking character! We already told you! Dave get’s to choose because he’s never done this before!”

“It’s only fair, Vvris.”

“Fair, schmair!” She sulked, but lowered her weapons.

“I uh… would like to say that… I uh… have done nothing wrong!” The Summoner said, trying to stand. Mindfang pushed him back down to his knees.

“Me either.” The Handmaid said, still staring at the Composer.

“Havve you decided yet, Composer?” Dualscar asked, moving to stand beside the other.

The Composer remained silent until Dualscar was the only one within hearing range, as Redglare had moved over to scold Mindfang.

“Yeah, I decided.” He muttered softly, drawing his sword silently from its scabbard.

“Wwell?” Dualscar prompted, eyeing the Composers blade. “Just goin’ to run them through?

“Something like that.” The Composer said, voice steely. He pulled his arm back away from Dualscar before thrusting it forward into the flesh of the other’s hip, below his armor. The Composer watched as his moirail crumpled to the ground in front of him.

“Hey! Hey wait a second!” Mindfang tore away from Redglare in time to see the Composer flash-step over to the Handmaid and the Summoner and Dualscar kneeling on the ground. She leveled her Flurite Octet again.

“Can I roll now?” She asked Redglare who was sniffing the air.

“I guess so!” Redglare grinned, popping the hidden blade out of her cane.

“You guys ready to rumble?” The Composer asked the Summoner and Handmaid who both nodded.

“Wwait, guys. It’s almost dawwn.” Dualscar—Eridan stood. “Some of us havve a wways to go to get back to our hivves.”

Vriska pouted and pocketed her dice. “I guess you’re right. Sure you don’t want to stay at my place? Spidermom won’t mind.”

Eridan looked a little uncomfortable as he made his way over to you. “Ah, no thanks, Vvris. Davve and I wwill just go back to my hivve.” Seahorsedad appeared off to the side of the clearing your group was in.

Vriska shrugged. “Okay then.” She moved toward where Spidermom was emerging from the trees. Everyone in the clearing visibly shuddered at the appearance of the gargantuan white arachnid.

“Oh, and by the way, Eridan, Dave,” Aradia said, stopping you and Eridan from leaving just yet, ”Feferi’s having another get-together. She wanted me to let you know.”

“When?” You asked, because Eridan couldn’t seem to make his jaw work.

“Two nights from now. It’s another ball.” Aradia waved as she walked toward the forest. “She expects you both.” She said that to Eridan directly who turned a pale purple.

“We’ll be there.” You turned and steered Eridan toward his lusus.

“Wwe wwill?”

“Yeah. We will.”

~~~~~

“So what’s up? Why don’t you want to go to Feferi’s ball-thing?” You asked, striping out of your shirt and tossing it in the ever-growing pile of your clothes in Eridan’s mini storage block. He had his back to you as he also disrobed.

“Just… I don’t wwant to be anywwhere near her.” Eridan muttered, folding his scarf and setting it on the shelf with the others he had.

“Don’t tell me you’re still sore about the game.” You turned to watch him as he shimmied his pants off. He didn’t reply.

“Dude, really?” You stared at him as he climbed into the recooprecoon the two of you shared fairly often. “She’s just a beached whale. Not worth your time bro.”

Eridan pouted at you. “I pitied her!” He sighed, hiding his face below the rim of the coon so his eyes, hair, and horns were all you could see.

“She didn’t pity you. So why are you still hung up on her?” You made your way over to the coon to stare him down over the rim. “It’s not worth your time, bro.”

Eridan looked down at the sopor-slime filled pod. “But…”

“No buts bro. Now move your skinny ass over so I can get in.” You climbed into the recooprecoon with Eridan who turned to look at you once you’d settled.

“Do wwe reely havve to go?” He frowned at you, curled up against the side of the coon.

“Yeah, Eridan. We do.” You sighed as you looked at him. He looked ready to cry.

You let silence pass between you for a few moments before speaking again.

“So, Dualscar, mermaid, king of pirates, ever gotten petty revenge?” You asked, hoping to make him feel at least a little better. What kind of Moirail would you be if you just let him suffer.

Eridan stared at you, puzzled for a moment. “…Does krillin’ people count?”

“No, dude, see, petty revenge is the really weird stuff people to get back at people who pull shit that ain't cool.” You stared at the purple-tinted eyes in front of yours.

“Like wwhat?”

“Well. How bout we streak through Feferi’s little ball?” You grinned at Eridan, who stared for a moment.

“There’s just one problem wwith that, Davve.” Eridan said, slicking his bangs back with sopor. “Wwhat’s streakin’?”


	8. ....Baby One More Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eridan and Dave streak through Feferi's palace.
> 
> What more do you need to know?

You and Eridan had both politely excused yourselves from the ball, just before dinner started. The two of you stood in the respite block Feferi had loaned you for the weekend. It was the closest to the dining hall.

Eridan was trying to keep a straight face as the two of you tossed back a couple of shots as an excuse to run around the palace naked. The troll liquors were much stronger then human ones had been, and they all tasted like different candies. The bottle Terezi had pilfered for you happened to be Orange Creamsicle flavored. Leave it to Terezi to give you the orange-flavored booze.

“I can’t believve wwe’re goin’ ta do this.” Eridan muttered, taking another shot. He grinned at you a bit.

“You’re not goin’ to cluckbeast out on me, are you?” You asked, loosening you tie and setting it on the dresser.

“No. I’m goin’ ta do this. Mostly because it’s goin’ ta be funny.” Eridan removed his own tie and set it beside yours. You noticed how his purple tie and your red one managed to go together brilliantly. Kanaya would have been proud of your color sense. Eridan continued speaking before you could dwell on the colors more. “Are wwe comin’ back here?” He asked, unbuttoning his suit jacket.

“After? Yeah, may as well.” You put the cap back on the bottle of liquor and stashed it behind the recooprecoon for later before unfastening your own jacket. Eridan nodded, his face contemplative.

“I nevver evven thought about doin’ this kinda stuff until after I shot you out a’ the sky.” He laughed, removing his glasses and setting them beside the surface-illuminator. He rubbed his eyes for a moment before looking up at you blearily. “You reely brin’ out the wworst in me.” Eridan swallowed and moved toward the door, opening it slightly. He turned back to you as he shrugged out of his jacket.

“I prefer to think I bring out the best in you. That’s a moirails job, right?” You nodded to him as you walked out into the hall, jacket shed and working on your shirt. Eridan didn’t comment, but instead took off running toward the dining block, screaming and whooping his loudest. You ran after him a moment later, following suit (or lack there of).

When the two of you burst into the dining block, all of the attending patrons stopped eating to stare, because everyone needed a piece of Strider ass. Everyone. All eyes were on the two of you as you ran up and down the rows of trolls, shredding clothing in your wake. Your voice was becoming hoarse from screaming, but you kept it up.

Eridan and you both stopped, as planned, at the High Table to dance and frolick about your friends, taking particular time to dance around Feferi who had turned pink from her gills to her fins. She gaped at the two of you, obviously offended.

The only thing that caught you by surprise was when Jake stood up, shedding his own clothes.

“That looks like jolly good fun!” He grinned. Things you didn’t need to know about your brother’s matesprit? he went commando.

The only faces that remained passive in the dining block were yours and Dirk’s. You owed him a fist bump.

All in all, you spent maybe three minutes in the room, embarrassing your host, cavorting about without clothes on before returning to your temporary respite block. And as you left the room, you could not resist pirouetting out the door. Backwards. You heard Eridan cackle as he ran past you.

Once you and Eridan were safely in the room, you shut and locked the door behind you, grinning at each other like fools.

“Oh my COD!” Eridan giggled, putting his glasses back on, and leaning against the dresser. “Wwe wwill nevver be invvited to one a’ these parties again!” For once in the couple of months you’d known him, you saw genuine happiness on Eridan’s face as he beamed at you.

“Feferi’s goin’ to hate me forever.” You chimed in, retrieving the liquor and pouring yourselves two shots. You really weren’t too upset that fact. Eridan grabbed one of the glasses and held it up.

“A toast!” He nodded to you.

“A job well done.” You added. The two of you tossed the shots back and stood in giddy, naked silence for a few moments. Eridan finally broke it, looking up somberly at you, eyes wide and purple-yellow behind his glasses.

“Davve?”

“Yeah bro?”

“Thank you. I’vve nevver had the courage to do anyfin’ like that until you came along.” He said, stepping toward you a bit. “An’ I’m glad to havve you as my moirail.”

You gaped at him, speechless for a moment.

He bit his lip and tried to wave it off. “Nevvermind. I’m assumin’ thin’s again. Let’s get some rest before tomorroww. Fef’s goin’ ta krill us.” He climbed into the recooprecoon and laid against the support wall, his back to you.

You sighed and capped the booze again before crawling in behind him and snuggling up to his back.

“So what should we do tomorrow, my Pale bro?”

~~~~~

You knew you’d done something stupid the night before.

You woke up, your head pounding, your throat aching, and someone was pummeling your door to a pulp.

“DAVE! ERIDAN! GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW! I SWEAR TO COD I AM GOING TO KRILL YOU TWO!” Feferi’s voice drifted through the wood, shrill and obviously pissed off.

Eridan groaned and rolled over, burying his head in your chest. “Make her go awway!” He muttered, rubbing his temples. “It’s too fuckin’ early.”

You smirked at him, rolling your eyes toward the door as her screaming continued. He smirked back, wincing slightly at every crash on the door.

“ERIDAN AMPORA, YOU ARE SO DEAD WHEN I GET A HOLD OF YOU! COME OUT HERE, NOW!”

“Think we should get up?” You asked, yawning slightly and pulling yourself out of the recooprecoon.

“Only if wwe can answwer the door naked.”

“Deal.”

The two of you bumped your fists together in agreement and moved toward the door, stretching. You reached it first, unlocking it to the fishy princess’ livid wailing (or was it whaling?).

“What’s up?” You asked nonchalantly, leaning against the door-jam. Eridan stood casually beside you, his arms folded over his ribs to protect his gills.

“What’s UP? WHAT’S UP?!!” Feferi fumed, her eyes flashing. “You just embarrassed me in front of half of Alternia!”

“Reely? I thought it wwas only your closest fronds.” Eridan shrugged, yawning as well. He looked ready to drop. Clearly someone did not handle liquor well.

“Eridan, that was not funny!” Feferi glared at him. “And I know this was Dave’s idea. It had to be. You’re not smart enough to have planned it yourself!”

Eridan stepped back as if she’d slapped him, shock on his face. He went silent, paling a bit.

“Whoa there, princess, no need to get snippy. This was all my idea. Eridan just wanted to help me out. Be a bro. Don’t go blamin’ him.” You said, stepping between them, a frown on your face. You were wearing an expression. This would not end well. “But even if it wasn’t his idea, he had reason to do it.”

“Oh, and what reason could there possibly be for you to humiliate me in front of everyone I know like that?” Feferi asked, hands on her hips and lips in a pout. She still managed to be beautiful, even when angry. You thought that was a Striders-only quality.

You scoffed and stared at her for a moment before replying, “How bout leavin’ him high and dry after he confessed his love to you? Without a friend in the universe?” You found yourself getting uncharacteristically barmy, shielding Eridan with your own body. “You turned him down when all he wanted was you! He even put his feelin’s aside for SWEEPS, just to keep you as his moirail! And you want to know what gives him the right to prance around your palace naked as the day he was hatched?” Shaking your head, you went to shut the door in her face, pushing Eridan back toward the recooprecoon.

“Do us both a favor, Feferi. Never insult my moirail again. Or I might have to hurt you.” You growled, hearing the lock snap in place on the door.

Eridan stared at you from across the block, gaping slightly. He looked a little lost as you guided him back to the recooprecoon and helped him into the pod before climbing in yourself and wrapping an arm around Eridan. His slience had passed and now he was sobbing in your arms, clinging to you with all the force he could muster.

For whatever reason, while you laid there with him, you couldn’t deny the overwhelming feeling of wanting to protect him; to bundle him up and keep him safe and sound and in your arms for the rest of your lives.

And something told you that wasn’t something covered in the Pale quadrant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STREAKING.
> 
> Because Heimdall and I were planning on doing this at one point.
> 
> Maybe.


	9. Buckets and Badguys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's no buckets involved. Unfortunately.
> 
> But Dave and Eridan kiss!!!! (Finally)

FLARPing around Eridan’s hive with him became a normal thing for the two of you. Eridan was teaching you the rules (or lackthereof) of the game and prep you for the next session of group FLARPing.

There wasn’t much plot when you FLARPed with Eridan. It was always the same storyline. The Composer (you) had done something to Orphaner Dualscar, his Moirail. You had tried to think of a reason for your “betrayal”, but nothing seemed to fit. Eventually, the two of you would give up and move on to the next activity.

Today’s activity was sitting lazily on the couch, watching shitty Troll tele-grub. You were watching Eridan’s favorite mini-series, Troll Sherlock. You had no idea what the major difference between Troll Benedict Cumbermatch and the regular human one. They were both hot. One just had horns. But Eridan carped on about how they were nothing alike. Let him think of it that way.

It was about halfway through season 2 (during that demon-hound episode) that the show was interrupted and the grub-vision began to play a newsreel.

“’Today in Yellow City there was a riot at the transportalizer station. We are told that the protestors have been dispersed and the situation is under control. That is all for this broadcast. Thank you.” The newscaster that day was a short, darker-skinned troll with short, cone-shaped horns. He was not attractive, therefore as soon as Benedict was back, you and Eridan forgot all about the broadcast.

~~~~~

“Dualscar, you should just end him!” Mindfang grinned, pointing to the Composer, who lay on his side, bound and gagged on the deck of Dualscar’s ship. The Composer didn’t struggle or try to speak, instead just staring up at his Moirail, face hidden behind his mask.

Dualscar himself was standing by the helm, his eyes downcast as his cape floated in the wind, purple against the grey sky.

“I caught him for you!” Mindfang continued, poking the Composer with the toe of her boot.

“He hasn’t stood trial.” Redglare said, her arms crossed over her chest. She was grinning, like usual, as she spun a coin in the hand not occupied by her cane. “Every troll deserves a trial, fair or not.”

“Preferably not.” Mindfang cackled and the two high-fived. Dualscar just frowned sadly down at the Composer.

“Howw could you do that to me?” He asked, kneeling beside the other. “I gavve you evverythin’ you havve, I gavve you a life you nevver wwould havve had.” The two stared at each other silently as the women behind them giggled and jeered.

The Composer’s red eyes looked a bit sad as Dualscar stood once more, leveling Ahab’s Crosshairs. The girls went silent, watching intently as the fear finally gripped the Composer and he began to tremble, unnoticeable to anyone but his Moirail.

“Should we let him beg for his life?” Mindfang asked, approaching them again. She also knelt by the Composer, reaching over to untie his gag. “You can tell Dualscar one more time just how much he meant to you.” She jumped back when the Composer tried to bite her and growled down at him.

The Composer remained silent as he struggled up to his knees. He stared at Dualscar, as if there was no one else there and said his line, the cue for the others to come get him.

“Moirailigance is magic.”

Dualscar frowned and started to say something about magic not being real, but it was too late.

The Summoner swung down from the crowsnest, his lance in hand. The Handmaid appeared not long after, crawling on deck and snapping her whip at Mindfang.

“You messed with the uh… wrong guy this time, Mindfang!” The Summoner shouted, pointing to her with his weapon. Mindfang growled and reached for her Flourite Octect while the Handmaid moved to subdue Redglare.

The Composer, still on his knees, took the moment of surprise to launch himself toward his sword, which lay by Dualscar’s feet.

“Fuck! Howw did they get on board?” Dualscar growled, unaware of what was going on by his feet. The Composer managed to get his blade and was fervently trying to cut himself free, glancing around from time to time. He noticed the Summoner was doing a good job of keeping Mindfang from using her weapon, which was better for everyone involved. And the Handmaid had successfully entangled Redglare.

The only enemy left was Dualscar, who had just noticed what the Composer was up to.

“Fuck!” Dualscar scowled, kicking the blade away from the troll on the ground below him. “You’re not getting’ awway that easy, not after all the trouble I wwent to catchin’ you.” He bent to pick up the sword himself, stowing it in the scabbard nearby. Then he turned to the others, observing the situation and possible solutions.

“Give me my sword, Dualscar.” The Composer said, working at the loose ropes with his fingers now. Dualscar scoffed.

“Come get it.” He said, running toward the side of the ship, prepping to jump.

The world froze for a moment as the others aboard the ship realized what was happening across the deck.

With a flourish of his cape, Dualscar was gone.

And the fighting continued.

Once the other half Team Charge had managed to trap and restrain Mindfang and Redglare, they cut the Composer free.

“What should we do with them?” The Handmaid said, mocking Mindfang’s high-pitched tone.

“Do what you want. I’m goin’ after Dualscar.” The Composer growled, heading for the port side, casting your cloak off behind you.

“It’s just a sword, uh, Composer!” The Summoner called, trying to stop the other male. “We can, uh, get you a new one.”

“Keep ‘em busy till I get back.” The Composer said, jumping over as well. Dualscar wouldn’t be too far from his teammates, too far from his Moirail.

The Composer landed right where he knew he would. On the out-cropping for the second deck that he and Dualscar had built themselves. The captain would undoubtedly be in his quarters.

Cautiously, the Composer treaded through the halls of the abandoned ship, eyes and ears open for any sound other then his own breathing.

The Composer froze in his tracks outside the captains quarters, listening carefully. He, of course, knew Dualscar would be there with his trusted blade. He just had to think of a way to retrieve it from the other man. Without having to fight him.

The problem with Dualscar was that he _ALWAYS_ wanted to fight.

The Composer eased the door open, almost silently and was met with a bright flash of blue light.

Ahab’s Crosshairs on it’s lowest setting.

“Get the fuck back.” Dualscar’s voice growled, muffled by the distance between the two trolls. “I knoww you’re there, traitor.” Despite the sticky situation, both men grinned, knowing the game was afoot.

“I came for my property, Dualscar.” The Composer said, stepping into the open door, leaving himself defenseless. “And you’re goin’ to give it back.”

“And wwhy wwould I do that?” Dualscar asked. He was perched against his desk, holding the sword. He tried to settle his grin down to a frown, but it wasn’t really working well. “I bought it for you. I should keep it anywway.” He shrugged, examining the blade, turning it over and over in his hands.

“You gave it to me. It’s mine.” The Composer replied, moving toward Dualscar at a slow pace.

Dualscar laughed a bit, setting Ahab’s Crosshairs down against the desk. “If I gave it to you, then it’s legally mine.” He mused, setting the blade in his lap. “Of course, if you want it, you’re free to come get it.”

The Composer didn’t really expect his moirail to attack him, so he started edging toward the other man.

“You won’t hurt me, Dualscar.” Composer said, standing about a foot in front of him. He held out his hand for the blade. “So give it back.”

Dualscar held the sword away teasingly. “Wwhat if I don’t wwant to?” He stared up into the Composer’s masked face. “Wwhat if I wwant to keep it wwith me?”

The Composer rolled his eyes, stepping a bit closer. “Why would you want to do that?” Their eyes were locked on each other, testing wills.

“You’ll keep comin’ back for it, a course.” Dualscar stood as well. He still had to tilt his head up a bit to meet the Composer’s eyes.

“I need it now.” The masked troll insisted, wrapping his hands around the scabbard beside Dualscar’s.

The two remained silent for a few moments, gazing into each others eyes, neither daring to move.

They both began to laugh softly, breaking their composure.

“Just give me the sword, my moirail,” The Composer muttered softly. “And I won’t have to hurt you.”

“No.”

The Composer sighed, using his extra two inches of height to impress upon the other trolls personal space. Dualscar tried to stand tall, but eventually ended up sitting down on the desk, cowering a bit.

“Give me my sword, Dualscar.” The Composer said, tightening his grip on the scabbard.

Dualscar swallowed nervously. The Composer had never acted like this before. Never gotten so… _close_. It both excited and scared Dualscar, even though he knew the other troll would never hurt him. There was no black in their relationship, only a pale pink.

Maybe a pale red.

Either way, he knew he wasn’t going to get hurt. But the Composer was sure doing a good job of making Dualscar shiver.

From what, he didn’t know.

Dualscar closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to think of something to say back to his moirail.

He didn’t even have a chance to speak. His breath was taken away before he could exhale it.

It took Dualscar a second to realize what was happening.

The Composer was kissing him—No. _Dave_ was kissing him.

~~~~~

You had no idea why you were doing it, but for whatever reason, you found yourself having sloppy make-outs with your moirail in his office while you were supposed to be LARPing.

And for whatever reason, you weren’t bothered by it.

All thoughts of your sword abandoned, you let go of the blade to wrap an arm around Eridan’s waist and pull him closer to you. He was cool to the touch, and even though his purple metal armor dug into your chest a bit weirdly, you didn’t want to care. You were so hot all of a sudden, and he was so cold, and you just wanted to wrap him up in your arms and never let him go.

He seemed to feel the same, his arms wrapped tightly around your neck, eyes shut, reciprocating your kisses with his own.

You forgot about the world as you continued to kiss the troll in your arms.

That is, until the world (in the form of Vriska) barged into Eridan’s office and scared the shit out of both of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long. I go through the WEIRDEST bouts of writers block, where all I can write is not-very-good porn.
> 
> But here it is! Two months later!
> 
> sorry.....


	10. Detonation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter dramatic plot here.

“Wwhat the fuck, Vvris?!” Eridan tried to jump away from you, falling over his desk and stumbling out of your grip. Eridan’s face had taken on that royal-purple hue under his grey skin as he flushed with embarrassment.

“Yeah. What the hell, Vriska.” You turned to her, glaring from behind your Composer’s mask. You slouched against Eridan’s desk, wishing Vriska would go away and Eridan would be back where he was a minute before. In your arms, with your mouth on his. That was the best place he could be. And she had to ruin it.

Vriska was grinning from ear to ear as she looked back and forth between the two of you. She leaded in the doorjamb, blocking your exit. “Soooooooo… is there something you want to tell me?” She crossed her arms a bit. “Or want me to tell John?” She looked directly at you as she uttered your best-ex-friends name, smirking like she knew a juicy secret.

“Yeah. Suck my troll dick, spider-bitch.” You snapped, picking up your katana and marching toward her. You pushed her out of the way and started back toward the deck, stomping all the way there.

“I swwear to COD, Vvris you are the biggest fuckin’ cock block on fuckin’ Alternia!” You heard Eridan shout as you rounded the corner and couldn’t suppress a small smile. 

Boner sufficiently killed, your face became blank again as you set foot on the deck where the rest of your LARP party was waiting.

“Hey, Dave.” Aradia waved you over. Apparently your LARP session was ended for today because everyone had stored their weapons and were hanging around the main mast of the ship. Tavros and Terezi were talking about something animatedly as you approached, Pupa Pan maybe?

“We’re done for today I think.” Aradia said, confirming your suspicions. She cast a look at the rest of the group on the deck, relaxing her shoulders a bit. “I have something to talk to you about. Could I possibly stay at your hive for the day?”

You frowned for a moment, thinking. You really wanted to stay here at Eridan’s (like you did most of the time anyway) to see what he’d say about your tongue-tango earlier, but it was also a talk you were dreading. On the other hand, what Aradia had to talk about couldn’t be good. She was the only other Time manipulator in your session and it would obviously take a while, otherwise she wouldn’t ask to stay with you.

But then Eridan and Vriska came up on the deck and you made a split second decision.

“Sure. Just let me change first. You’ll need a ride, right?” You asked, nodding to Aradia. She dipped her head back in agreement as you started toward the main entrance to Eridan’s hive to change.

You came out a couple minutes later, dressed in your regular t-shirt and pants, Crowdad following you silently.

Eridan frowned as you walked toward the group still standing by the mast.

“You’re goin’ home tonight, Davve?” Eridan watched you as you helped Aradia up onto Crowdad’s back. He looked a little disappointed when you nodded.

“Someone needs to take Aradia home.” You replied, climbing up behind her. Crowdad squawked at Eridan, butting his beak into the fish-trolls chest gently. “So I’ll see you later.”

Eridan opened his mouth to say something, but you dug your heels into your Lusus’ thighs, signaling him to take off.

You looked back to see the rest of your LARP team, very confused, waving at you guys.

Somehow, you knew you were going to get hell about this later from Terezi and Vriska.

You were halfway over the mountains back to your hive when Aradia spoke. “Have you watched the news lately, Dave?” She almost had to yell, leaning back toward you for you to hear her.

“Not really. Just the shit they auto-broadcast. Why?”

“There’s been a bunch of rebellions all over the different cities on Alternia. Riots about the Blood Caste System.” Aradia said, her mouth set in a grim line.

“The Blood Caste System?” You frowned, staring at her. “That doesn’t make sense. The System was removed.”

“Just because the System was removed doesn’t mean things have changed.” She replied. It was the last thing either of you said before you touched down in your lawnring.

You helped Aradia down from Crowdad’s back before heading inside. For once, your hive was just as you’d left it. This was good, because as far as anyone else knew, you still lived in your own hive, not Eridan’s.

“So what’s the big deal with these riots, Aradia? I don’t understand why you want me to talk to you about this.” You made yourself busy by looking for something to snack on, managing to find a packet of grubcandy.

Aradia drew a deep breath before sitting on your lounger as you started to gnaw at the grubs. “Dave, Feferi asked me to remove the System from the timeline.”

You stared at her, at a loss for words. You shook your head to clear it a bit before speaking again. “Is she stupid? Removing the System from the timeline… It’d kill people. Karkat and Kankri would be un-needed. No one would survive if we did that! The timeline would rip apart!” You felt anger welling up in you. “It’s impossible! We’d all die before the System could even begin to be forgotten!”

Aradia nodded, looking down at her hands. “She doesn’t believe me. She thought I was lying when I told her that the timeline would shatter. And then… she accused me of sympathizing. I don’t think she meant it, I think she was just feeling helpless.” The female troll looked up at you, rust colored tears in her eyes. “She’ll come to you next. And you’re going to tell her the same thing. And I don’t think she’ll be as forgiving with you as she is with me. She’s still really mad about you and Eridan running around the palace naked as the day you were hatched.” A small smile crossed her face.

You grinned a bit and sat across from Aradia, running a hand through your hair. You dropped the grubcandy on the nearby table, forgetting about how hungry you were. “These riots… they’re only the beginning aren’t they? They’re will be attacks next. That’s what Feferi’s scared of.”

Aradia nodded. “If the yellow bloods or the rust bloods or the Cavalreapers decide to attack the blue or purple bloods, or the palace itself, Alternia could turn into a warzone. More so then usual.”

You nodded, pushing your shades up to rub your eyes a bit. “What can we do?” You stared at the girl across from you, noticing how tired she was. LARPing while thinking about all this must have been hard for her.

“I don’t know, Dave.” She sobbed, letting tears trail down her cheeks freely. “We’re going to have an all-out world-war, and theirs nothing we can do to stop it.”

For the first time since you’d witnessed Bro’s death in Sburb, you felt like everything was lost and there wasn’t a thing you could do to stop inevitable doom and destruction.

~~~~~

After you set Aradia up in your guest room, you sat in the lounge block in your favorite chair. You flipped on the Grubevision, flicking through the channels until you found the world news reports. The reporter—the same one you and Eridan had seen the other day was talking about a rebellion in Rust City, larger then the one in Yellow City. Thirty-two trolls had been killed, ten more injured. Your stomach churned as they showed you picture after picture of the damaged city, the rust bloods fighting and blood spilling everywhere.

It was an all-out bloodbath, and it chilled you to the core in the same way Lord English had.

The battle with English had been long and arduous, but it looked as though the battle for Alternia would be even harder.

~~~~~

The next evening, after seeing Araida home, you were preparing to take off to Eridan’s again when the Grubevision flashed another report.

Another riot, this time in Green City.

‘We’re going to hell in a hand-bucket.’ You thought, shutting the appliance off and heading for the door, Crowdad in tow.

You couldn’t stop thinking about the impending war and how it was going to affect your life, even as you made your way to Eridan’s hive.

When you arrived at his island, everything was quiet except for the ripple of the ocean. You didn’t bother to knock as you entered the ship.

“Eridan? We need to talk.” You called out for him as you set your sweatshirt on the back of the couch. You intended to tell him about the riots and the war and Feferi’s request, but you didn’t have time.

As soon as Eridan’d seen you, he’d thrown his arms around you and was kissing your breath away.

Talking could wait for later, you supposed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's a bit short and not very.... good? I guess that's the only way to put it. This was trying to establish the plot for the rest of the story essentially.
> 
> god this sucks.
> 
> sorry.
> 
> EDIT: it's a bit better now. Sex in the next chapter! spose i should change the rating.


	11. Give Me All Your Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexy times.

_“Quadrant flipping is a common occurrence between the Flush and Pitch quadrants.”_

_“Quadrant flipping in the Pale and Flush quadrants is a rare occasion.”_

_“One troll will often not reciprocate the other’s Flushed intentions.”_

_“In Pale to Flush flipping, trolls will often lose both quadrants.”_

_“A troll is lucky if they ever find their Moirail.”_

“Most trolls will not admit Flush feelings for their Pale quadrant for fear of losing the relationship.”

The truth of it was, you’d started to research quadrant flipping after your streaking debacle at the palace. Your suspicions had been confirmed—Quadrant flipping with Eridan was not a good idea.

Fact after fact sped through your think pan as you laid with Eridan on the couch, his skinny hips against yours.

It wasn’t like you didn’t enjoy kissing Eridan (even if he wasn’t very good at it). What he lacked in skill, he made up for in fervor, and it was kind of adorable.

But you _did_ have some important things to talk to him about and they were hard to concentrate on when he was on top of you.

Him being on top of you just gave you a whole other set of things to focus on.

Like what the _**fuck**_ was going on in your pants.

You guessed you were turned on.

It _felt_ like you were turned on. It was almost like when you were a human. Every nerve ending in your body was on fire, your brain was shutting down, your knees were weak, and you were feeling that coil of pleasure in your lower digestive sack.

The thing that worried you was that something between your legs was _moving_ on its own.

And that was just _weird_.

Erida leaned back so you could breathe for a second, looking at you worriedly.

“Davve? You okay?” He asked, running a hand over your cheek. “You’re reel tense…”

You swallowed a bit nervously, staring at the troll above you. Eridan’s face was flushed that pretty violet-gray, his yellow eyes were half-lidded with lust, and his lips were swollen. It was probably the hottest sight you’d ever seen.

But it took second place to the writhing in your jeans.

“Eridan.” You bit your lip, tensing your jaw a bit. “Dude, bro, why is my love sausage acting like a mythical asp?”

Eridan frowned at you for a second, confused, then what you said clicked into place and he began to laugh softly.

It was your turn to frown at him. “What’s so funny?”

“Nothin’. I just forgot you wweren’t hatched this wway.” He sat up on your hips, sending a shiver through your body. He slowly stripped off his shirt, casting it aside. His hands hooked into the loops of his pants, but you caught him before he could unbuttoned them.

“Whoa, bro. I’m confused. What’s goin’ on here?” You tried not to let your fear get the better of you. Whatever was going on here was weird, and no matter how cool you were, you were scared.

“Anatomy lesson.” Eridan replied simply, pushing your hands away. “You need to knoww, or thin’s could get awwkwward.” He unbuttoned and unzipped his pants with a little difficulty, obviously trying not hurt whatever was hidden in his underwear.

Your eyes were glued to his crotch as he slid what you guessed was his bulge out of the offending articles of clothing.

There were two things you noticed right away.

One; it was violet, matching his blood color.

Two; it was a _tentacle_.

**A. Mother. Fucking. Tentacle.**

You must have been making a face because Eridan was laughing at you again, eyes sparkling.

“Meowbeast got your tongue?” He asked, stroking the thing sticking out of his pants. “Humans must be reel different, cause you’re starin’.”

You stumbled around your brain for a minute, trying to think of something to say to your moirail/matesprit/whatever.

All you could come up with was a brilliant “Uh…?”

Eridan leaned down to squint at you, concern on his face. Where had his glasses gone? “Davve? Are you alright?”

“Just…weird.” You managed, reaching up to remove your shades for a better view.

He smirked and sat back again. “Look, it puts the ‘slither’ in Slytherin. That’s all you need to knoww at this time. Can wwe get back to that harpoonin’ business now?”

“Did you just use a Harry Potter joke to get me to bone you?” You smirked at Eridan as you helped him stand and remove his pants. “So… Do I have one of those things in my pants too?”

Eridan smiled, reaching down to help you unbutton your own pants. “Sea for yourself.” He muttered, kissing your collar bone before leaning his head against your shoulder as he worked your jeans down.

Sure enough, once your underwear had joined your pants on the floor, you noticed a tentacle of your own between your legs.

Yours was dark red, matching your blood color. It was also slimy. Not overly so, but enough that your hand glided over it easily. You found that, while it liked to move around on it’s own, you could control it if you thought about it hard enough.

It was also _very_ sensitve, particularly at the very tip, where it was a bit flat with a slight point to it.

Deciding that you’d had enough with exploring your own body, you glanced at Eridan who was watching you calmly.

“What now?” You asked, stepping toward him.

He grinned.

“Sit.” He motioned toward the couch and you did as he said, perching yourself on the edge of the couch, staring at him all the while. Eridan came over and straddled your lap, sitting on your thighs and wrapping his arms around your neck.

Then he was kissing you again and your forgot about any nervousness you might have had before, because Eridan was here, in your arms, kissing you, and that was where he belonged.

You held him close as you continued to kiss him, cherishing the feeling of skin on skin.

When your bulge touched his, you hissed, squinting your eyes at Eridan through a haze of pleasure. He stared back at you, eyes half-lidded and lusty, biting his lip as he moved his hips flush against yours. Taking that as encouragement, your bulges wrapped around each other, slipping and sliding together as Eridan ground his hips into yours.

The two of you found a steady rhythm and you’d be damned if it wasn’t the sickest beat you’d ever laid down. Especially when it was combined with Eridan’s panting and mewling.

Sweet. Fucking. Music.

Your pace picked up as you and Eridan kissed again and the coil of pleasure in your digestive sack wound even tighter.

It continued to tighter the faster you and Eridan ground your hips together.

You were approaching the finish line fast now that the bass had dropped, and hot _damn_ did it feel good.

Then your vision whited out as wave after wave of pleasure wracked your body. You heard yourself moan, joining Eridan’s chorus of noises.

You slumped back against the couch, panting softly.

“Holy fuck.” You muttered after you’d caught your breath. Eridan chuckled against your neck.

“Yeah, pretty much.” He murmured, nuzzling you. He breathed in deeply a few times before speaking again. “And that wwasn’t evven matin’.” He leaned back to grin at you.

Despite your usual cool façade, you grinned back, kissing his forehead gently. 

You chanced a glance down between your bodies and you were surprised by the amount of red and purple fluid on your stomachs.

Eridan sat back and picked up a shirt, off the floor and was wiping the fluids away. You noticed a few seconds too late that it was your shirt he was using.

“That’s less than I expected, considerin’ how much Vantas harps about the bucket stuff.” You commented, running your hands over Eridan’s thighs. He nodded, dropping your shirt back to the floor and snuggling against you again.

“There’s not as much wwhen you’re frottin’ as wwhen you’re actually matin’,” He explained, eyes shut, purring contently under your chin. “Wwhen matin’ for reel, you’d penetrate the nook wwith a bulge and it wwould cause a chemical change in your hormones, causin’ you to release enough genetic material to fill a bucket.” He yawned softly as he finished talking, glancing up at you.

“Make sense.” You muttered, switching your grip on him to lay down on the couch. “You really are a scientist, aren’t you?”

Eridan smirked a bit and sat up on your hips again, leaning down to kiss you on the cheek before getting up. “Historian, reely. I reed a lot.”

You rolled your eyes at him half-heartedly, noting that your bulge had tucked itself away sometime in the past ten minutes.

Silence engulfed you for a few moments as Eridan busied himself with cleaning up the mess left in your horny frenzy.

“Strider.” Eridan said, tossing his underwear on to your face. “Make me somefin’ ta eat.”

“Let me show you my boning knife Ampora.” You muttered, giving him a one finger salute.

“You just did.” Eridan grinned, walking toward the back of the hive. “Noww get up and cook.”

~~~~~

Almost an hour later, you and Eridan were sitting on the couch in front of the GV, watching the news and enjoying a decent meal of what you had dubbed “Troll Pizza”. Which was really just bread spread with grub sauce and topped with Lusus meat of all kinds and cheese.

Apparently trolls didn’t have real pizza, which was bizarre.

Eridan had managed to nestle himself into your side and was smiling as he ate your concoction.

You finished your own dinner and sat silently for a few moments, just watching him, trying to decide how to bring up what you needed to talk to him about.

You swallowed your pride and took a deep breath, intending just to start talking.

“Davve…?” As usual, Eridan beat you to the punch, speaking before you did. “Wwhy did you go home wwith Ar yesterday? Rezi could’vve taken her home.” He nibbled at the rest of his food before setting it down to look at you. He looked almost jealous.

You sighed a bit, rubbing your temples. “She needed to talk to me about Time shit. Apparently, Feferi asked her to remove the Bloodcaste System from our timeline.” You shook your head at the thought. “She’s a glubbin’ idiot if she thinks that will solve all of Alternia’s problems.”

Eridan grinned at your use of his favorite word, but pressed on. “Wwhat does Fef’s request to Ar havve to do wwith you?”

“Aradia refused her. Now, in theory, she’s goin’ to come to me, the other time manipulator.” You shrugged. “And word on the street is that she won’t be as kind to me if I refuse.”

Eridan frowned, drawing his eyebrows together. “So, Ar wwas wwarnin’ you aboat Fef and her intentions.” He nodded a bit. “But removvin’ the System… wwouldn’t that krill evveryone?”

“That’s what Aradia told our fishy princess. But Feferi refused to believe it.” You muttered as you shook your head. “So I’m probably going to have to spend a few days at my own hive.”

Eridan looked a little disappointed, but nodded in agreement. “You’ll stay here tonight, though?”

“Sure, babe.” You smirked, wrapping an arm around the purpleblood, sitting back against the couch with him.

You relaxed alongside Eridan for the rest of the night, the worry you’d had before forgotten entirely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as short and porn-filled as this chapter is, it's probably my favorite chapter I've written so far. Heimdall made some GREAT lines for this one, including a couple of Eridan's lines, which are usually my territory.
> 
> I'm thinking of making a Tumblr for Swag. Anyone approve?
> 
> EDIT: TUMBLR MADE! Find us here: http://swwagmebabe.tumblr.com/
> 
> <3


	12. Shapes in Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Feferi meet for the first time since Dave and Eridan had run around her palace naked.
> 
> And she's not alone.

You arrived at your hive the next night feeling a little empty. You hadn’t spent more then a couple days away from Eridan for nearly three perigees. You were a bit nervous, worried Eridan might not take care of himself in your absence. But eventually you had convinced yourself that if Eridan didn’t, Seahorsedad would.

Still, you were concerned. Maybe it was your ~~flushed~~ pale feelings for him.

The first four days you spent in your hive, you could hardly sleep, choosing instead to play your videogames and message Eridan, who couldn’t sleep either, it seemed. It was calming to know you weren’t the only one uncomfortable.

The fifth day, you passed out, you troll body deciding it had had enough of your restlessness.

You woke up on the sixth night, feeling refreshed, hungry, and lonely.

You were in the middle of dinner when the knock at your door finally came, followed by a loud: “Dave.”

Karkat was with Feferi apparently.

Crowdad for the door for you while you stood and rearranged your rumpled clothes.

Karkat entered first, angry as usual. He didn’t say anything, just nodded to you curtly.

Feferi followed him, a cloak drawn up to hide her face. Of course she didn’t want to be recognized going in to your hive. Then people would assume you were someone important and begin to ask questions.

What surprised you about the whole entrance was John walking in behind Feferi, nervously chewing on his lip.

Once the door was shut, Feferi removed the cloak and sat down on your couch, not waiting for an invitation.

“I assume you’ve talked to Aradia?” Feferi asked, her usual bubbly voice was a bit more flat. You really must have pissed her off with the streaking thing.

You decided to ignore it, motioning to Karkat to let him know he could sit, too. You didn’t even look at John as you slouched into your lounge chair.

Karkat remained standing, but John took the seat next to Feferi.

“Yeah, I talked to her.” You said, answering her question after thinking about how you wanted to say your words. You opted for the same flat tone as the princess. “We FLARP together all the time, so I see her pretty regularly.”

Karkat and John both snorted with laughter and you took a second to roll your eyes behind you shades. Even Feferi couldn’t help a bubble of laughter.

“So you know why I’m here?” She asked, desperately trying not to smile with her mirth.

You nodded, leaning forward to rest your elbows on your knees.

“You came here expectin’ a different answer from the one Aradia gave you. And you’re goin’ to have to be disappointed. Because I will not—no— **cannot** do what you’re asking. It’d mean the death of everyone, the destruction of Alternia.” You said evenly. Feferi frowned again.

“Dave, you can’t be searious.” The princess looked scared as you finished talking. “There’s no way that would happen.”

“The thing with time travel is you can’t overthink it. You can’t have a ‘plan’ or a goal in mind. You have to just roll with it and see what happens. But above all else, you have to try not to do anything retarded.” You rubbed your temples a bit, feeling a headache coming on. “And removing the System? That’s not just retarded. That’s **ludicrous**. And I’m not talkin’ about the shitty human rap artist.”

“I don’t get how that works!” Feferi’s fins flared and she stood up to glower down at you. “You’re telling me nothing can be changed!”

“Some things _can’t_ be changed, Feferi! This is one of them!” You stood up as well, rising to her challenge. “I’m serious! If you attempt this, you’ll destroy everything you’re trying to preserve! Don’t be stupid! Your element is Life, not Time! You would be _destroying life_! Don’t you get it?!” You felt your anger rising as the fish princess continued to glare up at you, growling.

“He’s right, Feferi.” Karkat chimed in, pulling you back a few steps. “You don’t know anything about time. What if Megido and Fuckass here are right and you destroy the planet trying to save it?”

Feferi’s chest puffed up and she looked ready to spit, but you could see the hopelessness in her eyes.

“So there’s nothing we can do? We have to sea-t here and watch the planet get suckerfished away?” She bit out, looking close to tears.

“We defeated Lord English!” John said, smiling at her Imperial Condesce. “We can stop these uprisings! We just need to work together!”

It suddenly clicked in your brain as to why Karkat and John were with Feferi. They were the friend-leaders. The original masterminds in Sburb and Sgrub. They were planning a war.

“I’ll do anything else you ask of me, Feferi. I’ll take every fuckin’ wriggler off this planet and babysit them if that’s what you want.” You muttered, sitting down again. “But I can’t remove the System. Alternia would crumble.”

Feferi pursed her lips and you could tell she had more to say, but Karkat shook his head at her and she let the words disappear.

“Then we’re going to need to have a meeting.” She muttered, glancing back at John. “Send out the message, would you? Two days from now?” John nodded and pulled out his phone, typing away at it.

Feferi turned back from John to look at Karkat, then finally, you. “We’re going to have a civil war.”

~~~~~

After seeing the little group off, you finished your dinner and cast a glance out the window. You cursed Feferi silently for coming so late in the night.

You wouldn’t have time to make it back to Eridan’s hive that night.

Instead, you grudgingly drug yourself upstairs to your recooprecoon and got in, keeping your shades with you so you could message Eridan.

\--turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling caligusAquarium [CA] at 3:02 am--

TG: hey bro  
TG: not gonna make it back tonight  
CA: i figured  
CA: is it true  
CA: are wwe goin’ to wwar  
TG: looks like it  
CA: wwell  
CA: howw did it go  
CA: the meetin’ wwith fef i mean  
TG: shes scared  
TG: not that i can blame her  
TG: shes also more stubborn then you  
CA: yeah  
CA: wwell she wwas my moirail for a wwhile  
CA: she had to be stubborn to put up wwith me  
TG: good point  
CA: thanks for the vvote of confindence davve  
TG: youre welcome babe  
TG: im here all week  
CA: youre comin’ back tomorroww though  
CA: right  
TG: yeah  
TG: ill even get up early  
TG: I promise  
CA: okay  
CA: wwell  
CA: sea you wwhen you get here  
TG: okay  
TG: later bro  
CA: bye

\--caligusAquarium [CA] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 3:34 am--

\--caligusAquarium [CA] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 3:34 am--

TG: back so soon  
CA: i forgot somefin  
TG: what  
CA: <3

\--caligusAquarium [CA] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 3:35 am--

You blinked at your shade’s readout before smiling. Your blood pusher jumped a bit as you sent back the same emoticon before shutting down your Trollian and setting your glasses on your dresser.

You slept peacefully through the night for the first time since you’d been back to your hive.

~~~~~

The next night was uneventful as you began to pack up to leave to Eridan’s. Of course, it was still only six pm, and daylight outside, so you couldn’t leave right away, but you were still happy to be getting all of your stuff together in preparation.

It was about six-thirty when you sat down in front of the GV to play a game before you left in another hour or so. Eridan had already messaged you about your arrival time and was waiting with bated breath, you assumed, for your return.

So you lost yourself in a few levels of Mad Snacks Yo, trying not to get your stupid skateboarding troll stuck on any half-pipes.

You’d just pulled off a wicked nose grind when someone covered your mouth and nose with a towel that smelled oddly like chloroform.

And then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapters a little bit shorter then some of the others, but I believe as far as content goes, the plot will be moving forward. No more sloppy couch frotting. (at least not for a while.)
> 
> http://swwagmebabe.tumblr.com
> 
> CHECK OUT OUR TUMBLR! UPDATES ON THE STORY ALMOST DAILY! ASK US QUESTIONS! ~~LEAVE US FANART~~ ANYTHING IS POSSIBLEEEEEE!!!!!


	13. Of Rage and Cadence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "My name is Dave Strider and I am the speaker of the Uprising. I am informing you, Feferi Pexies, your Imperial Condesce, that resisting us is futile. You will not be able to stop us and if you try to, we will continue to use force until you have been removed from the throne."

Your name is Eridan Ampora and you’re worried.

Your moirail/matesprit/whatever Dave Strider was supposed to be at your hive almost ten hours ago. You’d spoken to him earlier this evening. He’d said he was coming. But it was almost dawn and you were beginning to lose hope that he’d make it over by the end of the night.

You’d sent him message after message after message, all with no reply. His Trollian said he was offline.

Two days later, Dave still hadn’t so much as contacted you. No message, nothing. And he wasn’t at Feferi’s palace when you got there either, even though you were one of the last to arrive.

Apparently you weren’t the only one it worried, because Karkat was in your face before you could get in the double-doors.

“Ampora! Where the fuck is your good-for-nothing sordid excuse for a Moirail?!” He screeched, grabbing your shoulders and giving you a little shake. “He was supposed to be here hours ago!"

Karkat tried to look angry, but it was hardly convincing. His aura of nervousness and anxiety was palpable.

“Karkat, perhaps you should release the poor troll. He seems to not have the slightest clue as to what you’re talking about and appears to be in a form of discomfort with your line of discussion.” A familiar looking troll in a bright red sweater grabbed Karkat’s arm gently. Karkat snarled, completely ignored him, and tightened his grip on you enough to hurt.

“I honestly don’t knoww wwhere he is Kar!” You defended yourself, holding your arms up in a somewhat futile effort to keep Karkat from stepping closer to you. “I havven’t sea-n him in ovver a wweek! He wwas supposed to be at my hivve twwo days ago!”

Karkat growled and released you, turning to the red-sweatered troll. “We’re fucked! Happy?” He snapped, pushing past him to go back to the other, much larger, group of trolls to yell at them.

“Language, Karkat!” The other troll sighed and shook his head before turning back to you. “He didn’t hurt you did he? Apparently, Karkat and John have been trying to find this—Dave for a few nights now. He’s a Time manipulator from your session, correct? I can see how that might present a problem—”

You let the other troll continue talking as you scanned the room, taking in all the other trolls you hadn’t seen before. The one currently talking your auditory fins off was practically Karkat’s twin.

“Not to be rude,” You turned back to him, frowning. “But wwho the fuck are you?”

“Language, Mr. Ampora.” He chided and shook his head at you. Pretentious, overly-wordy douche. “And my name is Kankri Vantas. I suppose I should have introduced myself earlier, all things considered, but I could not stop Karkat from yelling at you for a moment to get a word in edgewise. That seems to be the case when Karkat is around me, he either talks so much that I can’t or, he doesn’t speak at all. I can’t imagine why he’s so intimidated by me that he feels the need to act the way he does—”

You could feel a headache setting in and you winced as he continued to _speak_. You decided your best option was to just walk away before he finished, instead seeking out Feferi. There weren't many ways this could end well, but at least you might have a chance at progress. Elsewhere. _Away from the constant speech_. 

You found her surrounded by a few other trolls, two of which you recognized. John and Karkat were standing on either side of the fish princess like personal bodyguards; Karkat on the right, John on the left. They were listening vigilantly while she spoke to two other female trolls, one of whom was wearing a plain black shirt with no marking on it and the other who was wearing a cerulean dress.

“So you have a plan, I assume?” The girl in blue asked, and you noticed her fingers laced with the other girls.

“Yeah, beach, what’s the plan? Whale on them until they stop squiddle-ing? Krill them off one-by-one?” The other chimed in, grinning menacingly.

“Whale, no! I wouldn’t want to krill them, Meenah!” Feferi said, looking astonished. “Why would you even say such a thing?”

“Hey, fuckass, you can come over here.” Karkat said to you, loud enough that all eyes turned to you.

“Oh Eridan! Just the bouy I was looking for! Where’s Dave?” Feferi asked, grinning a bit. You could tell her heart wasn’t in it though.

“He’s not... he's not here.” You manage to choke out before you suddenly broke down in to tears.

~~~~~

When you finally calmed down, you were sitting in the throne room with Feferi, Karkat, and John. Karkat was rubbing your back gently as the last of your sobs faded.

You weren’t sure when exactly you’d been moved to the throne room, but it was definitely more peaceful in here.

“Hey, dumbass, can you talk yet?” Karkat asked, no real venom in his words. “We need to talk about Dave.”

“Shh, Karkat! Don’t make him cry again!” John whispered as if you couldn’t hear him.

“Shut up! I’m just being honest!” Karkat mock-whispered back, glaring.

“Eridan doesn’t have to tlak aboat it if he can’t yet.” Feferi said softly, kneeling a bit in front of you. Despite her usual friendly demeanor, her empathy was surprising. “Just take some deep breaths.”

“Stop treating him like a wriggler, Feferi! If we wanted that we could’ve just brought breasts—I mean Porrim! We could’ve just brought Porrim in here to treat him like a fucking wriggler!”

“I’m just trying to be nice!” Feferi snapped back, puffing her cheeks at the other troll. It was so cute, such a normal reaction, that you started to laugh before you could stop yourself.

“Of fuck! Look what you did! He’s sniveling harder now!”

“Relax, Karkat, I think he’s laughing!” John grinned, bending over to look you in the eyes.

You managed to smile up at them through the tears that had stained your cheeks.

Karkat rolled his eyes and stopped patting your back, choosing to stand up straight instead.

Feferi smiled at you as well, though it still failed to reach her eyes.

“So, Eridan…” John stepped a little closer to you, biting his lip a bit. “Have you seen Dave?”

You didn’t try to speak; instead you just shook your head.

Karkat swore under his breath.

“Have you talked to him at all?” John continued, ignoring Karkat.

“Not for a couple days. He wwas supposed to come to my hivve, but he nevver showwed up.”

Karkat swore again, louder this time, and Feferi and John both glared at him.

“Do you have any idea where he’d bouy?” Feferi asked, her eyes pleading you for an answer.

You shook your head again, and felt the color drain from your face as the other three exchanged glances.

“I told you we should have summoned him here instead of going to his hive!” Karkat hissed, rubbing his forehead angrily. “Now he’s gone missing! What if they captured him?!”

“ _Karkat_!” John grabbed the other trolls arm and nodded to you.

Karkat drew in a deep breath to tell John off, but the door banged open, startling all four of you in to silence.

“FF! You have to thee thith!” Sollux shouted, holding the door open.

The grubevision was playing loudly in the next room and a troll was on the screen, speaking slowly.

A troll who’s face was usually hidden behind his sunglasses.

“My name is Dave Strider and I am the speaker of the Uprising. I am informing you, Feferi Pexies, your Imperial Condesce, that resisting us is futile. You will not be able to stop us and if you try to, we will continue to use force until you have been removed from the throne.

We are a stronger army then you will ever be able to face. Your tactics are useless. Your armies are useless. Your assassins are useless. But we _can_ reasonable.

We only ask for one thing. That all the laws regarding Hemo-discrimination be removed from every city indefinitely, and that you step down from the throne.

Refusal to comply to our terms will result in the destruction of every major Alternian metropolis, starting with Rust City.

To all of our sympathizers, please hear these words. If you wish to join the Uprising, you will be able to find us. If you do not wish to join us, stay out of our way. Death awaits all others.”

~~~~~Dave’s POV~~~~~

You’d been sitting alone in a cell for almost three hours when they dragged you out, kicking and screaming.

Your hands were bound behind your back and they’d set you in a chair in front of a camera. Some troll girl had fixed your hair and cleaned your face up, while two others pressed guns to either of your temples.

And then _He_ had entered the room, and everyone went silent in his wake.

“Hello Mr. Strider.” He stood in front of you, hands in his pockets, a smug grin on his face. “Welcome to the Uprising.”

You knew better then to respond, choosing instead to glower at him.

“Work nicely for us, Mr. Strider, and I promise you no harm will come to you.” The imposing troll had gone on, ignoring your look. He examined his nails casually.

“Fuck you.” You mumbled back at him, staring at the floor. “I’d rather die.” Not the wisest choice of words, but your point was made.

“You’re going to work for me, Mr. Strider, whether you like it or not.” He grabbed your chin and forced you to look him in the eyes. “You’re going to do as I say, or else.”

“Or else what?”

As if he’d waited for the line, he stood up and waved toward the door. It had opened just enough to show you a troll bound and gagged, violet eyes wide with terror. “Or else Mr. Ampora is going to suffer.”

“Eridan!” You shouted, and struggled with the bonds that held you in the chair. Those scum sucking grub fuckers. How dare they touch your moirail!

“Do as I say and he’ll survive.” You bowed your head in compliance to his words. “Good, now, when that camera turns on, I want you to read your lines, word for word, no mistakes. Understood?”

“Yes.” You spat at him, glaring angrily. You had to hold yourself back from calling him a coward for having some random kidnapped troll deliver his manifesto instead of having the stones to do it himself. Honesty was never the best policy in a hostage situation. 

“Good. If this works out, I might even let you see him.” He patted you on the head condescendingly and moved for the door.

“I’m Veliza Markor, by the way. Remember the name well. You'll be hearing a lot more of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this one took a long time to edit!
> 
> C:
> 
> Come follow us on Tumblr: http://swwagmebabe.tumblr.com


	14. Can't Read My Pokerface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you ever saw Dave Strider again, you were going to kill him.

**~~~~~Eridan’s POV~~~~~**

 

You couldn’t believe your eyes.

There was _Dave_. _**Your Dave**_ , claiming to be the spokesperson of the _Uprising_?

 _Your **Matesprit**_?!

Anger flashed behind your eyes, blinding you momentarily and your whole body tensed up. You opened your mouth to say something—yell, scream, curse, what-have you—but a hand clapped over your mouth before you could so much as squeak.

You tried to shake the hand off, but it came back, Psiioniic energy assisting it this time, sending a shock through your entire body. It felt like thousands of pins and needles, stabbing you in every nerve ending—and that was only half-power.

“ED, thtop!” Sollux hissed in your ear and you flinched away from that horrid lisp of his. “Lithten!” He kept his hand over your mouth while his Psiioniic energy bound your hands behind your back.

So you stopped. You listened. And you’d be _damned_ if it wasn’t the most painful thing you’d ever forced yourself to do.

Lie after lie poured out of Dave’s mouth, like a never-ending stream.

It made you sick to your stomach and you heart ached to hear his voice—he seemed so far away from you now.

He’d lied to your friends. He’d lied to John and Karkat and Feferi. And most shockingly of all, he’d lied to you.

You thought about the time you’d spent with him, hardly a week ago, now.

It disgusted you to your very core, thinking back on what you did, what you’d _wanted_ to do.

There was no way in hell that it was ever going to happen again, you decided.

Because if you ever saw Dave Strider again, you were going to kill him.

~~~~~

Sollux dragged you to your room in the palace once the speech was over, his Psiioniics still tight around your wrists, despite the fact you’d long since abandoned fighting. You’d channeled your anger to stew in silence.

Once the door was shut behind the two of you, Sollux released you, bringing his arms up to defend himself, in case you decided to strike him.

“I had to do that, ED, you underthtand that right?” Sollux eyed you cautiously. “We needed to hear hith thtupid thpeech.”

“Fuck off, Sol. I’m not in the mood to hit you.” You replied flatly, planting yourself in the nearby chair.

Sollux frowned at you, but lowered his arms. “I think I’d rather have you hit me then have you thit there and mope.” He muttered, stepping toward you. “ED, are you okay?”

“Oh, just fuckin’ wwonderful, grubfuck. Thanks for askin’.” You bit out, rolling your eyes at him. “Howw wwould _you_ feel if that had been _your_ matesprit on the GVV, tellin’ you a bunch a lies?”

Sollux sighed a bit, but sat down on the dresser. He patted the spot beside him. “Alright, quadrantth athide. Come talk to me.”

“Fuck you. I am not feelin’s jammin’ wwith you a all trolls.” You used Karkat’s favorite hand gesture to punctuate this.

Telling Sollux ‘no’ seemed to _never_ be a good idea for you, because the next second, you were lifted by his Psiioniics and forced to sit beside him. He wrapped an arm around you before you could scramble away and ignored your squawks of protest as well.

“Thpill.”

“You mangle the Alternian language, nookwwhiff.”

“Thtop pitch flirting. Talk to me, bulgemunch.”

You glared at the skinny troll next to you, and opened your mouth to give him what-for, but caught the look in his eyes and decided against the idea.

“Wwhere do I start?” You asked instead of insulting his lusus. You let yourself relax, if only for a moment. Sollux was right. There were no quadrants shared between the two of you. At least not yet anyway.

“The beginning.” Sollux replied casually, and pulled you back to lean against the wall with him. Regardless of yourself, you enjoyed the closeness of the encounter. 

You contemplated his statement for a moment. What _was_ the beginning? How _did_ you start this conversation? With a perspective black quadrant, no less.

“Davve… Isn’t just my moirail.” You admitted, looking anywhere but Sollux’s face.

“I gathered that. You kind of thouted it at me. How come you guyth didn’t tell uth you were Red?”

“Wwe nevver confirmed it.” You bit the inside of your cheek. “I wwas wwaitin’ for him to get back to my hivve…” Sollux nodded, urging you on. You took a deep breath to calm yourself before continuing. You were not going to cry again. “But he nevver made it to my hivve and I thought he wwas rejectin’ me.”

“You never thought he wath an Uprither?” He prompted, forcing you to look him in the eyes. It suddenly connected in your brain—he was here to fish around in your mind, to make sure _YOU_ weren’t an Upriser, either.

“No. I didn’t.” You sighed at him. “Wwe nevver paid attention to the rebels acts or anyfin. Wwe played vvideogames and wwatched movvies. Wwe didn’t devise a plan to destroy Alternia.”

“You weren’t involved?”

“I’m genocidal, not suicidal.” You snorted at him. Then, for good measure, added, “Lowwblood.”

That brought a small smirk to Sollux’s face. “Okay, tho, you didn’t know Dave wath an Uprither? For real?”

“No. I nevver though it for a second. Wwill you stop askin’ that?”

The yellowblood nodded and sighed. “Okay, ED. Pale moment over. You can go back to hating my gutth now.” He released you as he slid off the dresser. He stretched for a few seconds before glancing at you again. “Are you thtill with uth? To fight?”

You clenched your fists and nodded in determination. “Wwe’ll need a navval commander, right? It’s not like anyone else can do it.”

Sollux laughed. “Actually, ED—“

A rather loud knock on the door interrupted him.

“Tholluth! It’th me!”

Déjà vu smacked you across the face when Sollux opened the door to his mirror-image.

“MT? What’th wrong?” Sollux frowned, grabbing the other by the shoulders of his (rather garish) jumpsuit.

“DEth ithn’t _here_!”

**~~~~~Dave’s POV~~~~~**

You were in the dark (literally, not figuratively) for another hour at least before they dragged you out of your prison cell once more.

This time they led you down a different hall then before. This one was well-lit and made your eyes burn, forcing you to keep your head down as you walked. You were shoved into a room near the end of the hall, into the arms of more waiting captors.

Then, for whatever reason, you were stripped and washed of all the grime and shit that had been in your cell. Just as you were starting to feel a little like a gang-rape victim, the group was finished with you.

You were then re-dressed in a tux, which was fine by you. Better then your shitty shirt and pants.

But you had this nagging voice in the back of your mind that this suit wasn’t a good thing.

As if to affirm all your statements, Veliza Markor entered the room, his entourage of one in tow.

“See, Chater? He cleans up well enough.” Veliza smirked at you while he spoke to his lump of a body-guard. 

“Spose.” The other troll, a brown-blood by the looks of it, just grunted. His eyes were trained on you, something akin to jealousy sparkling through them.

“So, Dave, is it? How’d you get such a… _short_ name? Bit odd for a troll, don’t you think?” Veliza leaned toward you and you could see your own face reflected in your shades.

Hold the phone here. He was wearing _your_ shades?

Against your better judgment, you made a swipe for them, hissing; “That’s _Strider_ to you, fuckass.” You figured Karkat would forgive you for borrowing his trademark word for this instance.

Veliza laughed, tapping the rims of the sunglasses as he stepped away from you. “Wonderful contraption, these are. Trollian, an internet browser, and even a music player, all on one little device. Where did you get them, I wonder?”

“I made them.” You growled, eyes following him as he circled around you. You didn’t trust this man as far as you could throw him.

“I wonder who all these people are? Your troll list is full of colors… From red to _tyrian_.” He stopped in front of you, the screens on your shades showing your Trollian account. “Just who are you, Dave Strider?”

“No one.”

“Let’s agree not to lie to one another, shall we, Dave? After all, Mr. Ampora’s life is in danger here.” He smiled at you benevolently, as if trying to make that statement as innocent as an inquiry about the weather. You almost spat at him, instead you chose to glare at him while you waited for him to finish his question.

“Now, I know you’re _someone_. And you must be important, because the Condesce herself has messaged you. “So I ask again; Who are you?”

You drew a deep breath, and exhaled before replying, your eyes trained on the floor. “I’m a member of her Imperial Condesce’s high council. One of the lawmakers of Alternia.”

“How many of you are there?”

“Twenty.”

You watched him flick through your troll list before nodding.

“Alright, Dave, here’s the transaction that’s going to take place. We’re going for a walk, you me and Chater here. And we’re going to make an appearance at Rust City’s council meeting tonight. Do not speak a word, and I will allow you to see Mr. Ampora when we get back. Deal?”

You nodded stiffly, swallowing your anger for the moment as the handcuffed you to the beefy armament troll. “Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took so long, guys! Working on fifteen!
> 
> check out our Tumblr: http://swwagmebabe.tumblr.com


	15. Pumpkin Party in Sea Hitler's Water Apocalypse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave's separation from Eridan is starting to get to him while he's stuck in that damn cell. He finally gets the chance to see him....
> 
> Eridan and the other trolls are prepping for the war for Alternia.
> 
> Veliza has other plans.

**~~~~~Dave’s POV~~~~~**

Turns out, your “stroll” with Veliza and beef-head had been to _destroy_ the Rust City council building, which you should have expected. You also probably should have predicted that they wouldn’t _really_ let you see Eridan after said demolition.

When you asked Chater about Veliza’s promise, he’d scoffed at you and thrown you back in to your cell without a word, an act that truly put him on your shit list.

So, being the good little captive that you were, you’d started to throw a tantrum, hoping to attract attention.

Of course, this failed to work, and while it did make you feel a bit better, the mood only lasted for a few minutes.

Eventually, you had no choice but resign yourself to sitting on the floor of your cell, staring at the wall opposite, and hoping something about your situation would change.

You last thought before you fell asleep was about Eridan, who was almost certainly feeling exactly like you. Cod you missed him.

 

**~~~~~Eridan’s POV~~~~~**

For the last three nights, you and the rest of the members of Feferi’s councils had been plotting out the battle plan to eliminate the Uprisers. Each of you had been assigned to a task in groups of two or three.

You, along with Aranea and Vriska were in charge of the Navy. When Vriska had introduced Aranea to you, you’d almost laughed at them. Aranea certainly didn’t look it, but she was an amazing strategist behind her cute exterior. Together, the three of you had charted a course along the main body of Alternia. There were other, smaller, islands of course, but none of them had a major city on them.

Everyone else had their own duties as well.

Rust City’s council building and a few other hubs had already been destroyed. In retaliation, Meenah (another seadweller) and Karkat, the leaders of the standing army, had launched a vicious attack on a known Upriser compound. Nothing had remained once they were done with them. 

Kankri, it turned out, was a perfect spokesperson, and while Feferi made most of her addresses herself, Kankri was always available to give a speech. He was also in charge of recruiting new members for the army, though he wasn’t very enthusiastic about it. Meulin and Nepeta did a lot more of the recruiting then he did to make up for it.

Sollux and Mituna, who was virtually Sollux’s twin, were constantly hacking the Upriser’s networks. They would plant viruses, triggered by certain words or codes. Sollux was happy to get to use his computer-exploding codes again. You just prayed they were never turned in your direction.

Tavros and his counter part were training a new set of Calvalreapers, a task they both seemed to enjoy immensely.

Porrim, Kanaya and Rose manufactured uniforms for every new recruit in record times. Instead of tailoring to each troll (which was what usually happened) they generalized the sizes with help from the once-human. It was, apparently, a system used on Earth to make sure everyone got the same thing, exactly the same way. It expedited the work and made it much easier on the seamstresses although she did have to suppress the urge to add more of an artistic flare at times. “Functional not fashionable” you’d heard her repeat to herself more then once.

Dirk, Equius and Eq’s double did something with robotics. You didn’t really understand it, and didn’t particularly care to, either. They all sort of scared you.

Terezi and Latula were in charge of the Justice System and trying all of the Uprisers that were captured during attacks and raids. Since the Alternian justice system didn’t allow for the defense to have an attorney, the two girls were vicious when it came to questioning. You certainly hoped you were never arrested by them or one of the two creepy as fuck Subbjugglators.

John and Jake were assigned as Feferi’s full time body guards while Kurloz and Gamzee arrested people during raids alongside the Libras. However, since Feferi’s protection was vital, the Subbjugglators would often step in as added security in their down time.

The Aries’ trained any of the new psychic lowbloods that happened to join the army, and though they were few and far between, they took time to mold. Most of the newer psychics were ones who had never been trained to use their powers for anything other then their day-to-day issues. The Aries’ job was to train them to be battle ready and use their powers for war, if necessary.

The other three girls, Jane, Jade, and Roxy didn’t do much but cater to the rest of you. They seemed to enjoy it though. They worked alongside the rest of Feferi’s servants preparing food and keeping the others alive.

Part of you still wondered what Dave would be doing if he were there with you.

And the other part of you pushed the thought aside every time it came to your mind.

It was stupid to dwell on the past and things that would never be. All that mattered now was dealing with the Uprising and, if he truly was a part of it all, Dave along with them. 

**~~~~~Dave’s POV~~~~~**

On the third night after the Rust City incident, you were let out of your cell again and led to the GV room, where you made your first broadcast.

You were sat in the same chair and the same troll from before made you look presentable once more.

Veliza strolled into the room, his brawny guardian in tow.

“You lied to me.” You spat at him, glaring a bit. “You told me I could see Eridan when we got back the other night.”

Veliza shook his head at you. “Oh, I did, didn’t I? It escaped my mind.” He shrugged your anger aside, smiling impeccably as usual. “Perhaps tonight, if you behave.” 

‘Behave? Great, I’m not only a prisoner I’m this bulgelicker’s dog.’ You thought, scoffing, but didn’t reply and turned back to the camera in front of you. The troll behind it was a rust blood a little lower then you. He was obviously scared shitless by Veliza. You honestly had to wonder why.

Sure, Veliza Markor was imposing. But he was anything but scary. He hid his eyes most of the time, either behind your shades or another pair. He was a little pudgy, a chubby belly hanging over his belt with thick arms that were not very muscular. He looked like he hadn’t worked a day in his life—at least since his Grub Trials.

That was when a thought hit you.

You’d seen that frame before. The chubby belly, easy smile, imposing stature; those were all _highblood_ traits, particularly the overly-common bluebloods.

Unfortunately, before you could belt out his obvious deceit, they had you hooked to a mic and were starting the broadcast.

It crossed your mind that you could say it now, on live Grubvision, and hope the lowbloods rebelled against him. Then Eridan drifted in to your head. There was no doubt in your head that Veliza would not hesitate to kill your boyfriendsprit.

So instead, you were a good little spokesperson, bitterly saying your prompts.

“Good evening members of the Royal Council. I wonder what it’s like, being forced to see one of your own delivering these messages?

“As we stated in our first address, your resistance has been met with violence. Rust City has been reduced to less than ‘chum’, to use one of our Condesce’s flavorful fish puns.

“None of this would happen if you chose to step down. We will give you another chance. Stop resisting us and step down, before Alternia is destroyed. We’ll even let you live.

“I don’t suppose I need to tell you what happens if you refuse our generous offer. Please think this over carefully.”

Once the camera was shut off and your mic was removed, Veliza spoke to you again.

“Good job, Dave! That was spectacular.” He clapped mockingly, turning to the meathead beside him. “Chater, why don’t you take him to see… Eridan, was it?” He glanced at you for a moment. You decided it would be a good idea to give him the bird. Even behind the shades you could tell he was rolling his eyes. “He can stay with him for the night I suppose. He must be dying to see him.” Veliza continued, ignoring you now.

“Yes, sir.” Chater grumbled and reached out to grab you by the forearm. He dragged you through the door in silence.

“So…. Chater, right? Man they must have miss-named you. I think those two words were the first you’d ever spoken. Must be tough, having such a deceptive name. Ever have people try to start conversations with you at random? I’ll bet you have.” You realized that you were rambling. It was exactly what you wanted to be doing.

Chater grew increasingly annoyed with every word you said, the veins in his neck pulsing. You grinned inwardly.

“What are you to Markor, anyway? Surely you’re not _just_ his bodyguard.” You prodded his side, waggling your eyebrows at him.

He glared at you.

“You should learn when ta be quiet.” He grumbled, steering you down another hallway.

“But I’m interested. I just wanna know. What is he to you? Gotta be moirails? Maybe even _matesprits_?” At this, the other trolls face flushed a dark sepia tone, confirming his blood color.

“Shut up.” He snapped, pushing you ahead of his a step. He stopped at an unmarked door at the end of the hallway. He unlocked the door before shoving you inside and slamming it shut again.

You turned to the door just as he shut it and shouted: “Nice talking to you, Chater!” You allowed yourself a shit-eating grin as you turned around.

Your eyes connected with a set of violet irises across the small room.

The other, unfamiliar troll frowned at you.

“Vwho the fuck are you?”

You stared at him, surprised. _This troll was **not Eridan**_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to both my editors for all your help!
> 
> check us out on Tumblr: http://swwagmebabe.tumblr.com


	16. Suck My Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If there's one thing you hate more then being trapped in a cell, it's highblood snobs. And unfortunately, you seem to have both of these things in abundance lately.

**~~~~~Dave’s POV~~~~~**

There was a troll sitting across the room from you who looked very much like your boyfrond/matesprit/moirail-thing. Eridan was a fighter. An antagonistic bitch, really (It was something you found endearing about him). Not a wannabe, pansy-ass, Lie-Down-and-Take-It bitch who looked like he’d been pulled out of the movie ‘ _Grease_ ”. Earth to Danny Zuko, you have lost your Kenickie. 

“Vwho the fuck are you?” The guy wearing Eridan’s face repeated, glaring slightly. His resemblance to Eridan –something that had been unnerving a moment ago— ended when he opened up his mouth. His quirk was possibly more annoying then Karkat’s yelling. There was no need to put _that_ much effort into sounding like a tool. At least Eridan had a think pan. This guy was just a poser.

“Dave Strider.” You snapped back at him, mocking his tone. He had the gall to look offended, but it caught you a moment of silence which you gratefully took to look around the room.

Not much was different between your cell and this douche-bag’s. Same set up just mirrored.

“Vwhy are you here?” The other troll had regained speech. Wonderful.

“You know, usually tellin’ the other person in your prison cell who _you_ are is a good way to start a relationship. Just sayin’.” You sat yourself against the door, listening for anyone on the outside.

“Vwhat are you doing?” He inquired again, standing out of his chair this time. “Answver me!”

You let your eyes move back to him. If there wasn’t a guard there now, there would be soon. You had to establish this asshole’s identity quick. Preferably before his complete lack of appropriate situational responses got the two of you a nice healthy serving of the vitamin _ass whoopin’_. “ Shut your face before you get us in even more trouble with the hemo-racist nookwads willing to blow up entire cities for their ‘rights’. And don’t you start the Highblood snobbery with me.” You stood up again, covering his mouth when he opened it again. “Do you even know why you’re here? Do you know who they think you are?” The purple-blood looked at you with a mixture of shock and confusion, even a tint of fear as he shook his head. “They think you’re my moirail, that they have you as leverage over me. You’re the other Ampora, right?”

He pulled your hand away from his mouth regaining his composure. “Cronus.” He growled slightly. “You’re telling me it’s _your_ fault I’vwe been in this dam cell for cod knowvs howv long?”

“Yeah, shut up, I’m not done.” You continued, ignoring his squawk of protest. “From now on, your name is Eridan, you got that? If they realize you’re not him, they might—by which I mean definitely— kill you.” He shut his mouth at that, blinking at you. Huh. Maybe he was smarter then your average lemming. You glanced around the room again, hoping for something, anything, to help you get yourself out of this situation. “You notice anything when they brought you in here? A way out?”

“No. They knocked me out.”

Fuck, there went that option.

“Alright, look, they think you’re my moirail. That’s why they put me in here with you. Are you goin’ to be able to play nice and act like you like me?” He scoffed at you, arching an eyebrow. You gave him a hard glower for his trouble. “This is no time for your stuck-up bullshit, our lives are on the line here and while I don’t give half a fuck about yours-“ you forgot how to speak momentarily as frustration jumps around your think pan.

After thinking that over for a moment, he replied, “I suppose.” Cronus huffed, crossing his arms defiantly. “I don’t understand it, but I guess I can play along.”

The two of you fell in to an uncomfortable silence for almost two hours. Then he spoke up.

“So… vwhat is he like? Your moirail, I mean.” Cronus looked up at you from the seat he’d taken a while earlier. He looked as bored as you felt.

“Eridan?” You yawned as you sat back up from where you’d laid down on the floor. You glanced at him. “What about him?”

Cronus shrugged, leaning back in his chair. “Vwhat’s he look like? I don’t knowv.”

You thought for a minute before responding. “Like you, only he doesn’t have the scars on his forehead. His hair sticks up instead of being slicked back. He wears a periwinkle and blue scarf at all times, regardless of what perigee it is, and a long-sleeved black shirt to go with it. Even the shirt has a turtleneck because he doesn’t like to show people his gills. He wears blue and black striped pants, and purple shoes.”

Cronus looked thoughtful, sitting back against the wall and crossing his legs at the ankles in a way that reminded you all too much of Eridan. It was jarring. So _not right_ it was almost hard to process, that natural movement was such a perfect carbon copy of _**him**_ that it took you a few second to feel like you could breathe without gasping or hyperventilating.

“He has deformed gills then.” He said after a moment. You stared at him, puzzled. Cronus rolled his eyes. “Oh please! It’s obvwious! Does he livwe under the sea?”

You had the urge to go Little Mermaid and start singing, but decided against it. He probably wouldn't get the joke anyway.

“No. He lives on shore in a hive made out of an old ship.” You admitted. If this chump was right, your own Little Mremaid’s aversion to the water made more sense. “And he rarely swims.” You really should have seen it before, with how much the other fishtrolls swam and how much Eridan _didn't_. He hardly touched the water outside of his nightly shower. Retrospective over-view was an enlightening son of a beach.

Cronus glanced at you, almost curiously. “If you’re his moirail, vwhy didn't he tell you that? Seatrolls hate to cowver their gills. It’s like trying to breathe through a cloth. It wvorks, but it's uncomfortable. And it itches.”

You shrugged, glancing around the room. It hadn't changed any in the last few hours. You didn't really know what you were hoping for. A secret passage way, maybe? Anything to distract you from the way to valid and reasonable question the other Aquarius had posed.

“Probably because I’m not a seadweller and wouldn't understand his physiology.” That was a lame excuse and you knew it.

The purple blood scrunched his nose at you. “Don’t use big vwords please. They confuse me.” You couldn't stifle a laugh. He shot you a dark look.

“Vwhat else? Wvhat is he in to?” The Aquarius changed the subject again, fidgeting with the end of his shirt, a lot like how Eridan would play with scarf when he was embarrassed.

“He’s a historian. Likes to read, and write a lot. Plays the Violin when he gets depressed, sometimes for days on end.” You smiled, remembering the time you’d walked in to find him playing some sort of Troll ballad on his violin, swaying and leaning with the music as it rise and fell. His time was a bit off, but you couldn't fault him for that. Time was your thing. “He FLARPS with me and a few others and is a ruthless fighter when he wants to be. He’s also obnoxious and whiny and gets made fun of a lot by our other friends, but he doesn't let it get to him as much as it used to.”

Cronus nodded along with your explanation and scoffed when you talked about FLARPing.

“He seems alright.” He concluded, looking down at his hands. He was silent again for a few moments. His head snapped up after a moment. “Davwe, right?” A noticeable amount of urgency made its way into his tone.

“Yeah.” You looked at him again, wondering what he could want to talk about now.

“Have you met any of the other Beta trolls like me?” He asked, and you could almost swear there was a glimmer of concern on his face.

“No, I don’t think so.” You frowned a bit. “Why?”

The purpleblood shook his head, smiling a bit. “Nothing.” He looked relieved though, so you didn't question him further.

Another hour or so passed before you finally drug yourself up and stripped. Cronus was eyeing you, a grin spreading across his face.

“Not that I don’t mind the showv, but vwhat’s the occasion?” He yawned a bit and stood as well, smoothing his hair back firmly.

“I’m goin’ to sleep.” You muttered, climbing in to the rooms’ one recooprecoon. Cronus frowned at you.

“There’s only one recooprecoon though. Wvhere do I sleep?”

“With me?” You suggested, sighing happily as you were encased in the calming green slime. You snuggled against the wall of the coon. “Moirails usually sleep together anyway, right?”

He shrugged at you as he rid himself of his clothing. “I vwouldn’t knovw. I’vwe nevwer had a real moirail. Vwe're kind of off and on.” He hoisted himself in to the coon as well, trying his hardest not to touch you as settled himself in beside you.

You scoffed at him. “Dude, really? I don’t have troll cooties.”

“Iwv’e nevwer shared a coon before!” He hissed.

“Eridan and I share one all the time.” You rolled over to look at the other troll, who was struggling with his back to you.

“Howv? It’s impossible to sleep like this—“ His words were silenced when you hugged him around his chest from behind.

“Dude, in a space this small, it’s _impossible_ to not touch each other.” You hugged him a bit harder as he started to squirm again. “Now stop acting like a wriggler.”

Stunned, he stopped moving and laid against you in silence. Just as you were starting to drift off to sleep, he spoke again.

“But I don’t vwant to be the little metal food scooper.”

~~~~~

When you woke up the next night, Cronus was still out cold in your arms. You’d almost thought he was Eridan for a moment, and had to resist the urge to hug him closer.

You missed him. You missed him like a dying man missed breath and blood and spirit. All the research you’d done on moirails had said that it was painful to be separated, but that was nothing like this.

This felt like you were missing a part of your very _being_. The part you kept hidden away and safe from harm and it was just ripped away.

You hardly wanted to move, but you forced yourself out of the recooprecoon any way, and sat yourself in one of the room’s two chairs after dressing.

Your eyes wandered back to Cronus every now and again. You wondered if he’d honestly be able to pull-off acting as if he liked you.

You didn’t have to contemplate that for too long, because the cell door opened to Chater’s face.

“You’re up?” He rumbled, glancing at the coon. Deciding you had to act like you cared, you jumped up and growled at him, moving toward the coon. You’d done the same thing when Vriska had walked in on you and Eridan sleeping one night after a FLARP, so it was the right thing, right?

Chater rolled his eyes at you, but took a step back. “You’re coming with me.” he said, motioning toward the door. 

You thought for a moment, glancing back to Cronus. He’d woken up and was staring at you with bright violet eyes.

“I can come back later, right?” You asked. You didn't have to act too much, Chater was about as thick as you could get.

“If Veliza says you can.” He shrugged.

So you followed him out the door.

He shut it behind you, and for a brief moment, you thought about running. But you didn't know a way out, and they’d kill Cronus, and you weren't too sure you could act broken-up about it. So you cast the idea aside.

You were led around the maze of a base. The hallways never seemed to end and there were so many doors, you couldn't believe Chater found his way around there alone.

You were tossed in to a room on the sixth hallway, and were immediately surprised. The whole room _screamed_ highblood grandeur.

Veliza, the king of it all, sat rather regally on a sofa near the door.

“Ah, Mr. Strider. Thank you Chater, you can go.” He waved a hand at the body guard and with a grunt; Chater meandered away, shutting the door behind him.

You glanced around the room quickly, scanning for a way out.

There were no windows. The room was completely square, and filled to the brim with useless items. A sofa, a lounger, a GV, and a Grubtop off on a large wooden table in the corner.

There was plenty you could use as a weapon, but somehow, you knew you’d be dead before you could ever escape. He might be an arrogant, self-righteous, hypocritical douchebag with delusions of grandeur and a _slight_ god complex, but Veliza was rather smart and always prepared. You wouldn’t stand a chance if you attacked him in his personal ego room.

There was no clock, so you couldn't even find a steady beat to get yourself out of there using time shenanigans. You almost wished you’d thought of the time ideas before, but those were possibly more dangerous then Veliza. No reference to for the current relative time, no stabilizing elements like your tables—you’d probably end up splinched at best, drastically increasing the swag quota of two separate timelines. With two separate pieces of your body, that would be ripped apart by sheer stupidity and unstable time weaves…. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea after all.

Your eyes eventually came back to rest on the troll himself, who smiled at you rather smugly behind your shades. Dickbag. Fuckweasel. Insert insult of your choice here.

“Quite a few friends you've got here, Dave.” Veliza said, the screen on your shades showed him scrolling through them. “But none of them have tried to contact you since the second night you were here. Why’s that?”

You shrugged and decided not to answer. You focused your attention on the GV, where a troll you didn't know but looked oddly like Karkat, was preaching—yes _preaching_ —to the GV crews about how “the Empress and her Council remain strong in these hard times”.

“A member of the council, perhaps?” Veliza remarked, noticing where you were looking. “Do you know him, Dave?”

“No.” You rolled your eyes. “I don’t know every fuckin’ troll on Alternia.” You scanned the crowd in front of the CopyKat and saw Gamzee and John standing near, like bodyguards.

You almost grinned when you saw the damned ass-clown’s squeakbeast nest hair. A tingle went through your skin and you shivered a bit as you thought about the couple of glares you and Gamzee had exchanged during the Ball and other meetings. Black feelings abound.

“Dave, I am talking to you.” Veliza huffed to your back, annoyed.

“I don’t really care.” You turned back to him, mocking his tone. “I’m a little busy catching up on the news, so can it, bulge-munch.”

Veliza sputtered. You must have offended him. Good.

“Strider, I called you here to _talk_ to you, not to have you watch GV in my loungeblock!”

You had the audacity to put your hand on your hip. “I’m not up fro talking right now.” You smirked at his look of outrage. Man he was easy to turn on.

Turn on…?

Uh-oh.

No. Hell. No. Hell. Fucking. No.

You were NOT waxing black for _HIM_ of all trolls! You already had something kind-of going on back home with Gamzee motherfucking Makara, not the leader of the rebellion who annoyed the living shit out of you and was lying to his followers and had kidnapped you and threatened Eridan.

But when you laid it out like that in your think-pan, it was hard to deny the pitch feelings seeping in to your thoughts as you glowered at him.

And when you _really_ thought about it, you had more reasons to hate him then you did Gamzee. Also more reasons to actually kill him, but them hatin’ jus’fications would hol' up a court a’ ol’ western law.

“So you won’t talk with me but you have time to gawk, hm?” Veliza took to his feet, a shit-eating grin starting to spread across his face.

Your resolve snapped. As to why, who knows?

All you knew was something clicked on in your think-pan and suddenly, you had launched yourself over the low coffee table between you and forced the leader of the rebellion under you on the sofa. You bit and hissed and growled at him, every nerve in your body on fire.

You only halted when you realized he was lying still beneath you.

He was shocked, without a doubt. That much was obvious. He was staring at you, eyes wide behind your shades, mouth agape, hands brought up to protect himself. He was panting and flushed.

“What’s wrong with you? Never had a black romance?” You teased, grinning a bit. “Of course, being a ‘ _lowblood_ ’ and all, you've been oppressed all your life right? So how’s this any different?”

Veliza sputtered a bit, trying to form words but he couldn't seem to find anything coherent enough, so you pressed your lips to his to keep yourself from saying anything.

It didn't stay chaste long. Instead, it grew hot—angry even. You bit at his lips and shoved your tongue past his teeth. He struggled a bit uselessly, whimpering. You guessed he was regretting being so soft right about now.

You wondered if you were even doing this black-rom thing right. Maybe that was why he kept seizing up under you? But no, that couldn't be it, because all of your troll instincts were telling you to _bite him, hurt him, slice him, make him **bleed**_.

It was overwhelming. A lot like when you and Eridan had dropped the bass, only this was driven by hate, not pity.

You pulled back from his lips again to tug down the collar of his shirt and sank your teeth into his neck, not even hard enough to draw blood, and grinned at the scream he let out.

Then you were being pulled off of him.

“Veliza! Are you okay?”

The bastard’s scream had called in his meat-head minder, who’d dragged you off his master by your ankles, then cast you aside like yesterday’s whore in a Grand Theft Auto game.

“Get him the fuck out of here!” Veliza’s cool had slipped and he was screaming at Chater, anger blurred across his face. Maybe you’d gone too far?

But no, there was _definitely_ something straining against his pants. You winked at Veliza, flashing him a grin, even as you were being dragged out of the room by your horns.

Even when they tossed you back in your own cell, you didn't complain.

That brief moment where Veliza Markor’s life had been in your hands had been entirely worth your whole stay in this damned complex. Cronus be damned, you’d _bit_ the fucker, and it’d felt _good_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo hoo! Finally posted it! This chapter was a long one. o.O
> 
> Thanks to all the people who stick by the story, regardless!
> 
> our tumblr: http://swwagmebabe.tumblr.com/


	17. Somebody that You Used to Know?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sollux and Eridan sit down to have a talk about Dave.

**~~~~~Eridan’s POV~~~~~**

Once the war had officially started, you basically had no free time. You were always busy, helping Feferi, planning attacks, all the usual war stuff. You hardly slept the first couple weeks.

So when you finally got a spare moment to yourself, you’d planned to spend it all alone with your violin, giving the strings a much-needed play.

Instead, just as you had rosined up your bow and laid it against the strings of your instrument, a knock echoed from the wood of your door.

You went to answer it, muttering and cursing under your breath as you practically threw the door off its hinges.

“Wwhat?”

Sollux grinned at you from the doorway, laughing softly. “Jethuth ED, what did the door ever do to you?”

You rolled your eyes at the Gemini, but let him in. Sollux had been something of a comfort to you in the recent weeks, and you weren’t about to turn down a little one-on-one time. Your violin could wait.

“Wwhat’s up?” You willed yourself to calm down as you shut the door behind him.

“I wanted to talk to you about thomething.” Sollux perched himself on your desk and toyed with the bow you’d set down a moment earlier.

You took a seat in your chair and leaned back to look at the other troll. “Alright, I’m listenin’.”

Sollux took a deep breath before starting. “It’th about DV. And don’t you dare cut me off!” He shot you a glare when you’d opened your mouth to kindly tell Sol you didn’t want to talk about _him_.

The psionic sighed. “ED, don’t you think you’ve been a little… aggrethive when it cometh to your reactionth to all thith? You and DV bonded tho much, tho fatht, and the lot of uth with even a teathpoon of emotional awareneth could thee that you were thomething good together. You jump into—and out of thingth— like your quadranth, really fatht. And I think… that maybe you’re denying your feelingth about him more adamantly then you thould. I think you're denying them to the point where you’re killing yourself trying to completely deny the loyalty you really have for him. And it’s going to kill him when- look, afterwords…” He cut himself off again and pursed his lips for a second. He then set your bow back on the desk and stared at you with solemn mismatched eyes. His gaze was slightly pained, but unwavering. You swallowed back the nervousness welling up in your stomach. “ED, it’th okay to be thcared. You know that, right?”

“Sol, I’m not _scared_!” You protested, even though you knew you were lying. So did he, from the way he looked at you.

“Eridan.” Oh shit. He said your full name. He meant business. “What are you going to do when we find Dave? Becauthe you and I both know you’re not going to kill him.” For the second time you stared at him incredulously. It was nearly inconceivable that…

It began to sink in. After all this, whenever, wherever that was, you and he could…

And then, for the first time in what felt like forever, you were filled with _Hope_. Real, pure, unadulterated Hope. The force of it made choke out another sob.

A choked sob escaped your lips and tears flooded your eyes before you could respond. You laid your head in your hands and let them flow freely. “Cod, I don’t knoww… I don’t knoww…” You heard Sollux push off the desk, and you looked up at him over your glasses when he knelt in front of you.

“When we find him, ED, you’re going to be red for him thikth wayth to Twelfth Perigeeth Eve. And no one ith going to fault you for that.” 

“Wwhen wwe find him?” You sniffled, smiling up at the other troll.

“Yeth, ED. _when_ we find him, I ekthpect you to hug and kith the THIT out of him. And if you don’t, I might. Becauthe DAMN ED, DV ith _fine_.” He grinned at you lopsidedly.

You couldn’t stifle a laugh as you hugged the bony asshat. He held you just as tightly for a few minutes, letting you sob and snot all over him, and didn’t seem to mind much. You were so Pale for him sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is heinously short, but the content is something that has been weighing on me and Heimdall for a while.
> 
> I wanted Eridan to jump into things too quickly, because that's how he is. I knew someone was going to have to bring him back.
> 
> So we assigned Sollux the role.
> 
> I'm gomen. It's REALLY short...
> 
> Merry Christmas!
> 
> Tumblr: http://swwagmebabe.tumblr.com
> 
> EDIT: I am SO sorry, but chapter 18 is going to be delayed! My computer died on me, and took all my files with it! If you have any questions, comments, concerns, or anything, please visit the Swag tumblr. or if you just want to talk to me, you can find my Tumblr here:
> 
> http://eribubblesampora.tumblr.com


	18. Mad World

**~~~~~Dave’s POV~~~~~**

Two days after your moment with Veliza, you were roused from your cell by two rust bloods. They both looked like they had the worst job in the world as they instructed you to get dressed. They handcuffed you and once that was done, they led you through the maze of halls to a room you hadn’t visited yet.

Veliza and Chater occupied this room. They stood in the far corner, talking lowly. Chater glared at you over Veliza’s shoulder and you grinned back. If you were going to be an ass, you may as well play it up while you could.

Veliza turned to you after his conversation with Chater was over. You noticed immediately that instead of his usual collared shirt, he was wearing a turtleneck under his blazer.

So you’d left a mark when you’d bit him. And he didn’t want anyone to know.

Interesting.

Cronus was pulled into the room a minute or so later. You were starting to get uncomfortable. No one had said anything.

So being the only Strider in the room, and therefore too cool for this sort of junior high prom silence, you spoke first.

“So what’s the weather like? I haven’t been outside in so long, I sometimes forget it exists.” You inclined your head toward your captors.

“We’re moving to Yellow City today in preparation for our next attack.” Veliza replied smoothly, as though you hadn’t spoken in the first place. “You’ll see plenty of the outdoors when you’re shuttled there.” He kept glancing at Cronus distractedly as the purple-blood was batting his eyelashes flirtatiously at one of the brown-blooded guards.

The Rebel leader cleared his throat to get the seatroll’s attention.

Cronus turned toward Veliza and proceeded to eye him from toes to horns, grinning all the while.

You couldn’t stifle the snicker that escaped your lips when Veliza realized what Cronus was doing.

Cronus waggled his eyebrows at him. “You knowv, I don’t think vwe’wve met yet. I’m—“ you silently prayed to every deity you could think of that Cronus wouldn’t screw up the next words out of his mouth and throw all your work to keep his identity a secret. “—Eridan Ampora. Vwhat’s your name?” You thanked every one of those deities you’d prayed to not a moment earlier. Maybe Cronus _did_ have a think pan after all.

Veliza frowned at him. “Mr. Strider, I believe you might need to have a talk with your Moirail. He does not seem to understand his current situation.”

“Oh, I understand my situation, Chief! I’m just trying to make the best of it!” Cronus shrugged nonchalantly and winked at him.

Veliza stared at him for a moment. “I am not interested in a relationship with a _highblood_ like you.”

Unable to stop yourself, you chimed in: “You sure, Veliza? He give you sucky-sucky, five boondollar! He love you long time!” You and Cronus both dissolved into giggles, Cronus wheezing through his laugh about how he wasn’t _that_ cheap. Chater coughed to cover his own low chuckle.

Veliza acted as though you hadn’t spoken at all and moved his gaze to the guards on either side of you and Cronus. “Get them ready for transport. They’ll be on shuttle 413. We leave in twenty minutes.” He instructed, and then left the room, muttering under his breath. Chater followed him out, still smiling a bit.

~~~~~

For the past couple weeks, you’d been thinking that being kidnapped and forced to turn against your friends was the worst thing that could have ever happened to you.

You’d been wrong.

Being handcuffed to Cronus Ampora and forced to sit through a shuttle ride with him was much worse.

Cronus loved to talk. You’d figured that out pretty quickly. And he mostly talked about himself. This guy was a _textbook_ narcissist. It would’ve been annoying if it didn’t make you laugh so much.

You noticed though that there was one topic of conversation that Cronus would immediately shy away from as soon as he approached it. The Quadrants.

It was amusing, all things considered. Eridan loved to talk about the Quadrants. He’d sit and explain them to you for hours. He didn’t even need prompting.

But Cronus avoided them entirely. Almost as though he’d been trained to.

“So why don’t you talk about the quadrants?” You wondered aloud, not really intending to say anything about it. It was too late to take your words back now. You watched Cronus’ face color from fin to fin and you thought maybe you’d said something wrong because he was silent for a long moment.

“Because… It can be triggering to some people.” He muttered, looking at his knees and biting his lip slightly and you really needed to stop looking at him because when he did that, he looked too much like Eridan for your comfort.

Knowing a whipped guy when you saw one, though, you couldn’t suppress your small smirk.

“So who is it?” You asked, checking your nails for dirt, though it was hard to see it under the natural orange color of the bone. It was a much easier way to distract yourself when you were still human.

“Vwho’s wvhat?” Cronus replied immediately, playing dumb.

“Your Matesprit, of course.”

Cronus’ face became impossibly purpler and he sighed dramatically.

“If you’d met him, you’d knowv vwho he wvas the moment I used the vword ‘triggering’.” He smiled fondly at the window, remembering the person in question. “He talks a lot, evwen more than me. And he doesn’t havwe many friends because of it. And… vwell, no one likes me much either.” He shrugged and laughed. “And he has that stupid chastity wvowv, so I vwas really surprised wvhen he agreed to be my matesprit…” He trailed off and his shoulders sunk a bit.

You felt sorry for Cronus for the first time since you’d met him. You were sorry for getting him mixed up in this mess, and forcing him away from his Matesprit, because he obviously needed him.

“Okay. But you didn’t answer my question.” You said, changing the subject to something less depressing that didn’t make you think of Eridan. “What’s his _name_?”

Cronus laughed and sat up a bit. He even shot you a small grin and dropped his quirk when he said his Flush’s name. “Kankri Vantas.”

You smiled as well. _Of **course**_ Karkat’s ancestor would talk people to death. His dancestor did it, too.

~~~~~Eridan’s POV~~~~~

You and your friends had been stationed in Yellow City for almost two days now. Working hand in hand with Karkat and Meenah; Aranea, Vriska, and yourself had determined that the Rebellion would attack Yellow City next. 

And so you sat, waiting for the attack.

The Psionics had been accommodating. They had known they would be next since the last attack on Orange City, and had been preparing since. All your army had to do was wait for them to take down the enemy.

It was somewhat unnerving, having to wait for an attack as you’d never been on site for one before. But just as it had been with the other ones, you knew it would come and it eased the tension a bit.

To pass the time, you often held miniature war conferences on the second floor balcony of the compound you were stationed at. Your usual topic of discussion at the war table drifted to _why_ they were attacking Yellow City in the first place

It was certainly not the best of places to attack, nor the easiest. The concentration of Psionics was the largest in Yellow City, and almost all the adult trolls living there were trained in combat. They even had a form of police that patrolled the circumference of the city. That would make it hard to get around unnoticed.

“Are they stupid?” Meenah scoffed, leaning back in her chair, though her fingers were still wound through Aranea’s.

“They must be. Or their think-pans have rusted out of their fucking skulls.” Karkat shook his head as he rolled his red-tinted eyes. “That’s the only explanation for this grand fucking idea they have of just waltzing in and attacking the largest concentration of Psionics in all of fucking Alternia and expecting not to be blasted off the damn planet into the next timeline.”

“This is hardly good planning. We’ve had our troops in the city for a couple days now, and the Psionics here have been prepared for even longer. They must be looking to get themselves killed.” Aranea frowned, thinking.

“Who caaaaaaaares! As long as we get to bash some skulls in!!!!!!!!” Vriska grinned, eyes alight and menacing with bloodlust. For a moment, you wondered why you had been her kismesis. She was so vicious in the way she threw herself in to everything she did. It was a little scary.

“Vvris, remember that wwe’re here in case the Psionics need backup.” You chimed in quietly and Aranea nodded in agreement.

Normally, you would have been calling for blood as well. Maybe being with Dave had changed some things about you…

“We’re only here if they need us, and to apprehend the culprits once they’re done with them.” Aranea glanced between her matesprit and dancestor. “Please don’t engage in anything reckless.”

Meenah pursed her lips but nodded, squeezing Aranea’s hand gently.

“Vvris, that goes for you, too.”

“Shut up fishface! I know!” Vriska stuck her tongue out at you and leaned back in her chair to pout. “You’re no fun anymore. What happened to the genocidal douche bag Eridan?” The others at the table all tried to shush her.

The question was rhetorical and didn’t require an answer, but you gave one any way as you stood up, intending to get yourself a cup of coffee from the nearby bar.

“He wwas killed by Kan in the game. Wwelcome to reality. Wwe aren’t wwrigglers anymore, Vvris. It’s time to defend our neww wworld. And I for one am determined to keep it.” You looked around at your friends, getting a small smile and nod from Karkat and Aranea while Meenah just looked thoughtful. “I finally got somethin’ good. And I ain’t gunna lose it noww.”

Before anyone could reply to your speech, a quake ran through the earth at your feet, the force of it landing you on your ass. Karkat was the first up on his feet, screeching orders at the army below you to take to their stations.

When you righted yourself, the others were on their feet as well. You joined them at the balcony, watching as the forces below you moved and organized themselves. It was a fantastic sight.

“There hasn’t been an army this large since the Condesce’s.” Vriska said from beside you and Meenah grinned widely, showing off her shark-like teeth.

“That’s right, beaches! This war is ours!”

~~~~~Dave’s POV~~~~~

When Veliza had mentioned that his newest target was Yellow City, you had to stop yourself from laughing in his face. Laughing at an idiot was okay, but when his pet brick shithouse was in the room, it was a few steps beyond “sleeping with the fish-trolls” special. Anyway, control issues at time of reveal aside, seeing the actual implementation was nothing short of awe inspiring.   
You were feeling some seriously intense shame that this was the guy who had managed to kidnap you, keep you captive, and cause you unending misery and torment for the past couple weeks.  
Judging by how well this poorly thought-out mission was going for him, you must have been a limbless wheelchair bound inbred cripple with Multiple Sclerosis at the time for him to succeed. Because wow. Yeah, launching a full scale attack on an entire city of trolls who could play tennis on the playground down the street without leaving the comfort of their massaging computer chairs was a GREAT idea. Someone obviously had a big head and little arms, because you were beginning to think this plan was not very well thought through.

In a stunning display of a truly shitty planning department that had probably downsized, ejecting all of the good planners the first chance they got, Veliza had the first round of explosives set up next to the Imperial Psionic Arena for Wrigglers. You didn’t know where they were supposed to explode, but it didn’t matter now. Not only had he made a shitty decision tactically (really dude, at least try to take out your biggest threats. Hit parliament or _something!_ ) and lost his element of surprise, he was now in the crosshairs of roughly 20 million psionics. Ten thousand of which were already flying toward your little shuttle-palooza.

 _It was fucking glorious._ Not only did his plan of attack fail, the Psionic’s plan had already gone in to effect. They were firing energy of all colors at the shuttles of Rebels, two of which had already been destroyed.

I hindsight, you probably should have been more worried about your shuttle getting hit _before_ you were thrown into a fast decent to the earth thousands of yards below you.

It seemed that the sky really had something against you since you turned Troll.

You clambered out of the harness that kept you in the chair with some difficulty and then turned to help Cronus do the same. Together, the two of you moved toward the back of the shuttle, using the chairs that lined it for support. Luckily, there weren’t any other passengers aboard your shuttle but your guards, all four of which were kneeling at the front of the ship, losing their lunches in unison. It made it easy for you and Cronus to get to the back of the shuttle and poke around in the tech back there.

“Cronus, you know if any of this stuff can help us survive when we hit? You got like, 30 seconds to tell me what.”

Cronus frowned at you, clearly upset with the notion but scanned the available items quickly before grabbing for one.

“Take a deep breath.” He warned. You had barely enough time to do as he said before he pressed the button on the side of the contraption and the entire area surrounding the two of you filled with a foam-like substance.

The shuttle hit the ground a moment later, jarring you both and making your vision white for a second.

When you recovered, you took a quick glance at Cronus, who gazed back at you with wide purple eyes. You both started to dig yourselves out of the air-tight foam.

When you surfaced, you were coughing and sputtering for air. Your arm was tugged away from you and you turned to look at Cronus. He was desperately pulling at the foam that clung to his neck and gills, face turning purple.

Out of the water and into the frying pan, you turned to help him, pulling the foam away as carefully as you could.

When he could breathe again, Cronus attacked you with a hug, leaning his head against your shoulder as he coughed and wheezed.

“Common man.” You managed to say, voice a bit hoarse. “We need to go. We’re dead here.” You got to your feet despite your knees shaking and pulled him up as well.

You supported each other as the two of you moved to leave the shuttle through one of the new holes lining the side of it.

You led Cronus into the city, passing by battles and dead trolls. You could only hope the two of you wouldn’t join them.

Turn by turn, you lost yourselves in the city.

When neither of you could move anymore, you found a dark alley far from the battlefield. You and Cronus sat against the wall in the corner, wrapping your arms around each other and hold the other close.

Neither of you spoke as you drifted off into an uneasy, light sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this chapter took so long to get out! After my computer died I spent a lot of time recovering any of my data I could from the various sites I have my works posted on. Chapter 19 is already started and should be out within the next couple weeks.
> 
> I started a new Tumblr to post my fanfictions themselves on. It current has my oneshots and the first two chapters of True Heroes. This blog can be found here: http://autorespawnse.tumblr.com/
> 
> The Swag blog: http://swwagmebabe.tumblr.com/
> 
> My blog: http://eribubblesampora.tumblr.com/
> 
> Again, sorry about the wait!


	19. Volatile Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eridan decapitates a brownblood and Dave and Cronus break in to Mituna's hivestem apartment. Featuring Sollux as Eridan's new moirail-but-not and Mituna who is a gamer not a hacker.

**~~~~~Eridan’s POV~~~~~**

You’d been searching the wreckage at Yellow City for almost a day now; trying to find any trace of the mysterious rebel leader that had eluded the Psionic’s attacks.

He wasn’t in the wreckage as far as anyone of the search party could see.

Neither was Dave or Cronus, your dancestor.

You could only assume that they had gotten out somehow. This was both a relief and a worry.

On one hand, Dave wasn’t among the dead, which meant he was alive…right? On the other hand, he wasn’t among the living rebels the Psionics had captured, which meant he was still missing.

Maybe they hadn’t brought Dave along when they had come to Yellow City? It was certainly a possibility.

But Dave was the “spokesperson” for the rebellion. They wouldn’t have left without him. So he had to be alive.

“Maybe he ethcaped.” Sollux supplied from your side, making you jump. You hadn’t noticed him there.

You nodded. “Maybe.”

He gave you a half-hug before walking away to Mituna, who was trying to talk to one of the Psionics assigned to help your group around the city.

You continued your search, looking through the decimated shuttles and bodies of trolls that were beginning to smell after lying in the hot sun the day before. You had to cover your mouth when you entered one of the shuttles. It was a gruesome mess inside.

Safety foam covered and sealed the back end of the shuttle—two body-shaped holes were carved out of it.

At the other end of the shuttle, there was a pile of bodies, broken and mangled by the impact of the shuttle against the hard surface of Alternia. It was a gruesome sight; brown and rust blood splattered the walls like a macabre painting.

A low groan resounded through the metal walls, making you jump. One of them was still alive?

Using the chairs for support, you lowered yourself to the pile, breathing very pointedly through your mouth to avoid the smell.

“You alivve dowwn there?” You asked, coughing a bit. It was a little gross to be standing in the muck of blood and entrails. How could you have been so bloodthirsty before?

“Help me…” A faint voice murmured and you scanned the faces in front of you. A rust blood was trying to reach out to you, tears in his eyes.

For a moment, you thought about leaving the traitor there to die. He was one of the Rebels. He was dressed in their uniform. But he also might have information on the enemy. Plus, there was only this group of maybe four or five trolls in a shuttle that could have easily transported thirty to forty, which made you curious.

“Alright. I’ll get you out.” You grasped his hand and started to ease him out of the mess. The rust blood sobbed in pain and feebly grasped your hand back, trying to help himself out as well.

You managed to get his torso free before noticing his shattered legs.

You swore under your breath and looked at the troll’s pained face.

You thought back to when Kanaya had chopped off Tavros’ legs in the game so he could be fitted with the prosthetics Equius had made and you knew what you had to do. There was no way his legs would heal anyway.

“This might hurt, though I doubt you’vve got much feelin’ left dowwn there.” You motioned to his legs as you leveled Ahab’s Crosshairs. He looked at you with wide, fear-filled eyes. “Don’t wworry. I ain’t goin’ to kill you.”

He seemed to relax a bit, but was still watching you with wide eyes.

You set your shoulders and pulled the trigger.

~~~~~

You’d managed to get the rust blood out of the shuttle and up to a healer who’d balked at your captive’s missing legs below the thighs. You’d barked at him to just ‘stop the fuckin’ bleedin’ I got a fuckin’ idea’ before tromping off to find Equius and Horuss.

You found them with Mituna, Sollux, and the creepy ex-human Dirk.

After a quick explanation of what you needed, the two Zahhak’s and Dirk wandered off to go fix the issue.

“You shot the guyth legth off?!” Mituna stared at you in horror while Sollux just looked proud.

“ED helped a landweller! Thomeone call the prethh! Thith ith pure gold!” He grinned and slapped you on the back. “Dave really got to you, didn’t he?” He added in an almost-whisper so Mituna couldn’t hear.

You punched him in the shoulder as a reply.

“Havve wwe found anythin’ yet?” You asked, staring at the screens of code on Sollux and Mituna’s grubtops.

“We ain’t found shit.” Mituna murmured. He typed a bit slower than Sollux did, like he wasn’t used to it as much.

“Thcanth of the wreckage show that thereth a few more live oneth out there.” Sollux shrugged, poking a couple buttons to show you the scans. “KK thent out a group to pick them up.” You nodded again and sat down in Sollux’s chair, earning you a glare from the other Gemini.

“Did you find anything bethideth the new amputee?”

“Some troll-shaped cutouts in Safety Foam on the same shuttle.” You shrugged. “But that wwas it.”

“Thorry ED.” Sollux patted your shoulder before pulling you out of his chair to sit down in it himself.

“Yeah. Me too.” You sighed, pushing your hair back from your face. It was getting too long to have all of it up like you usually did.

“We’ll find him.” He assured you, tugging you down for a quick hug before pushing you away. “Go thee where elthe you can be uthefull.”

**~~~~~DAVE’S POV~~~~~**

You had nightmares the whole day while you and Cronus had slept, so you woke irritated and sore from the way the two of you had curled together the night before.

Your first priority became getting the stupid handcuffs off your wrists.

“Cronus.” You poked the troll in the side and he groaned at you. “Get up, dude. My arms asleep cuz of your fat head.”

“Fuck off Davwe my head isn’t fat. Your arm’s just skinny.” He barked at you, but sat up anyway, yawning tiredly.

You rubbed your arm as you sat up yourself, looking around. “Where are we?” You grumbled.

“Yellovw City.” Cronus replied as he helped you stand. “Vwe’re about ten minutes awvay from the closest police office. In the hivwestems.”

“So I take it you’ve been here before?” You looked at the cuffs and cursed to yourself when you noticed that, _of course_ they were electronically locked and you couldn’t just jimmy them open.

“A couple times. Wvisiting Captor.” He pointed down a few rows of hivestems. “He livwes dowvn there. Vwe could go there and see if he has anything to get these open.” He motioned to the cuffs as he started walking toward the next set of hivestems.

“Captor?” You inquired, rubbing your shoulders with your un-cuffed hand. Sleeping on the cement for a day huddled in a corner with another troll was definitely something you weren’t going to try again. Ow.

“Mituna. Your Captor’s dancestor.”

You nodded and kept walking, taking time to look around a bit. You hadn’t been to any part of Alternia except your hive along the mountains, Eridan’s hive in the sea and Feferi’s palace to the north. The more city-like structures surprised you. Dirk had said he lived in a hivestem hadn’t he? You couldn’t imagine living so close to other murderous trolls. Your ten feet of lawn ring wasn’t even enough space between you and them.

“Here it is.” Cronus mumbled, going through the list of names. The tenth on up on the list was a ‘Mituna Captor’. “Tenth floor. Let’s go.”

“He won’t be here will he?” You asked, walking alongside Cronus as you went up the stairs. He looked at you out of the corner of his eye.

“You got that summons to the palace too, right?” You nodded in agreement. “Then he wvon’t be here.”

Logic was a hard thing to argue with.

The climb to Mituna’s tenth floor apartment was long, dark, and decidedly boring. The insides of hivestems were made to keep the harsh Alternian sun out, so the center stairwell was pitch black. If it weren’t for amazing troll eyesight, you probably wouldn’t know what floor you were on.

The landing was empty when you and Cronus emerged onto the floor. As if on auto-pilot, he moved to an unmarked door.

“PATHWORD!” The door chirped at him. It sounded almost like Sollux. Only older. And happier.

“Tuna, it’s Cro.”

“PATHWORD!” The door said again, as if Cronus hadn’t spoken at all.

Cronus sighed. “Kiss my chargin tunkel you snank ass chumbuckest.”

“CORRECT!” The latch opened and you and Cronus entered the hive.

“You know his password?” You quirked your eyebrows at him while you shut the door behind him.

“Vwe’re sort of… moirails. I guess. It doesn’t matter right nowv.” Cronus snapped, dragging you over to a table of electronic tools. He was eyeing them as though he knew what they did, so you let him be.

Mituna’s hive was messy as all get out. The entire floor of the place was covered in wires and game grubs and pieces of broken skateboards. He had several grub tops, all of which seemed inactive. One even had a hole punched through the glass of the screen.

“That vwas me.” Cronus supplied, noticing what you were looking at. “Wve got into a fight just before I vwas kidnapped.” He motioned to the screen and shrugged before going back to the tools.

The recooprecoon in the corner was bifurcated and drained of any sopor. If you guessed right, Mituna hadn’t been here in quite a while.

You heard a whirr and turned to see what Cronus was doing just as your handcuff popped off.

“Got it.” He grinned, removing his own. He started to look around too, turning on one of the grubtops you thought was toast. He went to open Trollian, and then seemed to decide against it, opening the internet browser instead. You saw the headlines for the news page a moment later.

You left him to it and went to get in a shower while you could.

The bathroom, unlike the rest of the hive, was tidy. Soft towels hung on the rack and the shower was large enough for two. It only took you a second to figure out how to turn it on.

The spray of hot water was amazing against your sore muscles. Maybe you’d see if Cronus wanted to stay here for a few days. Rest up. You certainly missed luxuries like these.

By the time you’d finished your shower Cronus had moved on from the grubtop and was instead filling the recooprecoon with sopor. Apparently he’d come up with the idea to stay as well.

“Tuna has some clothes that might fit you.” He glanced up at you, purple eyes tired. “Over there.” He pointed to the dresser covered with electronic tools you’d been standing at when you first came in.

You were ready to sleep, but would need something later, so you browsed the wares.

“What the fuck, dude? Does he _ONLY_ wear jumpsuits?”

Cronus dissolved into chuckles behind you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long guys. I have some deep stuff going on right now and it's hard to write with all the demons in my head...
> 
> Questions/Comments/Suggestions: http://swwagmebabe.tumblr.com/
> 
> Come bug me: http://eribubblesampora.tumblr.com/
> 
> My story blog: http://autorespawnse.tumblr.com/


	20. You're Going Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long time coming  
> And the table's turned around  
> 'Cause one of us is going  
> One of us is going down.

CHAPTER 20: You’re Going Down

**~~~~~DAVE’S POV~~~~~**

You had stayed in Mituna’s apartment a few days, resting, eating and catching up on the world. You hadn’t realized how much you’d missed real food as you and Cronus watched countless news reels and specials, listened to dozens of speeches, gorging yourselves on the food you’d managed to get at the local store; you remembered what you’d missed out on while you’d been held captive. 

The news always had the latest on the “Rebel uprising” and often times, you would see Feferi or a few of the others you recognized. Cronus pointed out his friends to you, and you did the same for him; though he seemed to know a few of them (like Karkat, but by this point, the whole planet probably knew who he was).

It was nice to be back in the real world.

But even with the freedom to catch up on the goings-on, you had made him agree not to go on Trollian. While Veliza had your shades, it was too dangerous for you to log on. Cronus had, of course, disagreed at first, saying that the two of you should try to contact the others. That you should at least tell them you were free and safe. After you had argued with him about it for nearly an hour, he’d resigned. The dangers of you getting caught were too high, even with his account. One slip-up could have you both back in shackles, after all.

Still, every time Kankri came on the grubevision you could see Cronus get tense and lurch a bit. Sometimes he’d even whine like it was painful. It must have been hard to see him but not be able to touch him. You would probably do the same if you saw Eridan, so you didn’t say anything to Cronus about it. You weren’t one to talk anyway, considering you still woke up thinking Cronus was Eridan every night and continuously tried to hug the life out of him. He never mentioned that to you either, so you figured you were even as far as emotional outbursts went.

By your fourth night in the hivestem apartment, you and Cronus decided it was time to leave. The two of you were going stir-crazy and you had to get somewhere safer than a city that was full of Trolls who would know you as the Speaker for the uprising (you had tried to go to the store the first night you were there and were almost arrested by the Psionic Force; it was not an experience you wanted to have again).You had set course for his hive on the northern shore to get some necessary supplies. Apparently he kept a rather nice store of guns and naval weaponry that could be useful for keeping the two of you safe (and help you raise a little hell).

From Cronus’ hive, you two were going to hop on a shuttle back to the next city on the hit-list of the rebels. Your ultimate goal was to get your shades away from that grub-fucker, Veliza. Hopefully, you’d meet up with the others somewhere in the middle.

You were preparing to leave, dressed one of Mituna’s jumpsuits—a solid black one—with a jacket Cronus had loaned you over it. The violet leather reminded you of Eridanin a way that was almost comforting. Almost.

You’d also found one of Mituna’s old skateboarding helmets with a black visor, still intact. You’d pilfered the visor, using it as makeshift shades.

“You look like a hot mess.” Cronus grinned at you, popping his collar. What a douche. “Tuna’s suits fit you vwell.”

“I’m still a _hot_ mess.” You shot back, making air quotes at him like a wriggler. He rolled his eyes at you and you gave him the bird.

**~~~~~Eridan’s POV~~~~~**

It seemed that you spent every moment of spare time you got now with Sollux. It wasn’t unpleasant or anything; it was just odd to you, considering your relationship before this had consisted of him beating the shit out of you and you blinding him.

At the moment, you were sitting beside him on one of the couches in the main lounge block of your Green City hive stem. You were leaning your shoulder against his while both of you screwed around on your grubtops, he was coding something whilst you played with a music program Dave had installed to use when he stayed with you.

You liked to listen to the mixes he’d made before. It made you feel as though he was there with you and you took solace in the fact you even had these songs in the first place. These were little fragments of Dave that you kept only to yourself, and sometimes Sollux. He didn’t judge you for that.

Admittedly, it was fun to tweak the music, throwing in extra layers of instruments and removing the bass lines. You often changed his technological music into more instrumental pieces. You wondered what he’d say if he heard the mixes, or if he’d even like them. Your tastes in music were kind of on opposite sides of the spectrum sometimes.

You opened your mouth to ask Sollux if he’d listen to your newest re-make when your Trollian lighted up with a message. You opened the program, thinking the message was from Feferi or maybe Karkat. It wasn’t unusual to communicate with the others through the platform while you were in your bases. It was certainly faster than having the messengers find the person you were looking for.

You weren’t, however, expecting the dark red text in your log box.

\--turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] at 09:41PM—

TG: hello eridan  
CA: davve?  
TG: who else would it be  
TG: look i dont have much time  
TG: can you meet me in green city at the docks  
CA: wwhen  
TG: two nights  
TG: just be there

\--turntechGodhead [TG] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] at 09:43PM—

CA: wwait davve

You sat back from your grubtop, frowning at it.

“Sol?” You couldn’t stop your voice from shaking slightly as you addressed the other.

“Yeth, ED?” Sollux glanced at you, irritation written in his face until he saw your look. “What’th wrong?”

“Look at this an’ tell me if it sounds right to you.” You held your grubtop out to him, biting your lip nervously.

The Gemini was quiet while he read a worried expression on his face. After he was done, he looked up at you. “That thoundth nothing like DV from my experienthe.” He shook his head, rubbing his temples and frowning. It was a look you’d learned meant he was thinking hard.

You took the grubtop back and stared at the lines of red text again. They were like a foreign language to you. This wasn’t your Dave. He never typed ‘hello’, and he hadn’t used your full name since the two of you had met. It was always ‘Danny’ (which was apparently a human diminutive) or ‘Babe’. Sometimes if he was feeling especially brave, he’d call you ‘Bubbles’ but that mostly ended up with you punching him.

“Wwhat do I do?” 

“We go thee him.” Sollux said, nodding. “We go and we get him and we find out what the fuck is going on with him and where he’s been.”

“Wwe?” You glanced at him, raising an eyebrow at him. “It just says I should go.”

“It didn’t thay you had to go alone, dumbathh.” He rolled his eyes at you and scoffed. “Of courthe I’m going with you. But we can’t thay anything to FF or KK, though. They’ll inthitht on going and that would be a huge pain.”

“Just us then.” You nodded in agreement and closed out the conversation. “Should be fun.” You said, voice flat, doing your best impression of Dave.

“Careful with that deadpan, ED. They might make you an honorary Thtrider if you keep that up.” Sollux snickered and you grinned at him, feeling better already.

It was amazing having a moirail.

**~~~~~DAVE’S POV~~~~~**

You arrived at Cronus’ hive surprisingly intact, despite the several fights you’d had to participate in to get there. You hated having to use your fists for fighting, but you did what you had to. Aside from a couple minor cuts and bruises the two of you were in top shape when you opened the door to his fortress-like residence.

Cronus lived on the northern shores of Alternia’s coast, halfway across the planet from you. His hive was literally carved out of the cliff face, all stone faces and jagged edges. The black rocks were highlighted by the windows and entrance portal, which were painted the vibrant violet of his blood color. The place looked impenetrable. You almost wanted to attempt a break-in, just to see if you could.

The inside of his hive was surprisingly bare, however, which shocked you.

There were no paintings or statues or tapestries or anything really. Just solid black rock and electric lighting that must have been a bitch for the builder drones to put in. It was a little eerie and depressing to walk through his home, which you told him as he led you to the eastern corner of the place. 

“I wasn’t liwving here much by the time they caught me. My stuff must havwe been stolen.” He shrugged. “I just hope they didn’t find the entrance to the basement.”

“What’s in the basement?” You asked as you rounded another corner after him and nearly ran his ass over because he’d stopped right in front of you. The two of you were squeezed into a tight space between two walls and Cronus was feeling around on another wall in front of him.

“My collection.” He replied simply. You heard a soft click, and saw the wall he’d been fiddling with open. There were stairs behind the hidden door, which Cronus started to descend with practiced ease. You followed at a slower, less graceful pace. It was dark as night in this part of his hive, and you couldn’t see your feet; even with your amazing troll eyesight.

You almost ran into him again at the bottom of the steps where he had paused again to feel along the cave wall on your left. You were in a fucking cave below his hive-fortress.

This dude was seriously fucked up.

Or really well prepared.

You were about to ask why he was feeling up the wall when he found what he was looking for. He flicked the switch under his hands and the whole cave lit up with a dim glow coming from the lights strung along the stalactites the lined the cavern’s ceiling.

Holy shit. You would kiss this stupid troll’s face off if it wouldn’t be incredibly awkward and the both of you didn’t have significant other-trolls.

Cronus’ “collection” was _A-FUCKING-MAZING_. Guns and canons and swords laid on the tables and shelves he’d dragged down to his cave-basement.

The place was like a museum of the Alternian Naval Core. Eridan would have jizzed in his pants if he could see this place, you were sure of it.

“Whoa.” Was all you managed to say as your purple-blooded partner moved about the room, eyeing the weapons he had stored up over the sweeps.

“None of these are going to livwe up to Ahab’s Crosshairs or anything.” He said as he picked up a rifle and gave a once over, cocking it and releasing it a second later. “But they’re all still in working order. Take anything you vwant, as long as you knowv hovw to use it.”

Taking that as your queue, you started to move about the room as well, going immediately for the swords.

None of them were like your usual Katana. They were ornamental; to be worn during ceremonies.

“Hey, are any of these actually made to fight with?” You asked, frowning at the blades.

Cronus came to stand beside you, still holding his rifle.

“The cutlass there, and the short swvords are.” He pointed to the blades in question in turn. “Otherwise, no. I might havwe a fencing foil upstairs if those bastards didn’t pilfer it.”

You picked up the short swords, studying them closely. They were a little dull and needed some polishing, but they were usable.

“I didn’t know you used svwords.” Cronus said, watching you with bright eyes.

“A katana, most of the time, but I’ve used traditional and broadswords as well.”

He nodded, making his way back over to the table with guns on it. “Vwell can you make those wvork for nowv and vwe can find you another one later?” He set his rifle down and picked up a pistol, toying with it idly.

“Yeah I can make it work.” You replied, shrugging a bit as you set the short swords back in their place. “These are going to need to be sharpened. All of them.” You muttered to yourself mostly, but Cronus must have heard you because he told you there were whetstones in a drawer behind you. Fucking highbloods man.

“Wve can stay here for a couple nights, so go ahead and do vwhat you need to do. I got some wvork on these to do anywvay.” He switched the pistol for another on the table, cocking that one like he did the other.

Then he fired a round at the wall, scaring you into dropping the cutlass you’d been inspecting.

“FUCK CRONUS WARN A TROLL BEFORE YOU START FIRING OFF YOUR GUNS!!!”

He snickered at you and fired another round.

**~~~~~ERIDAN’S POV~~~~~**

The docks in Green City were deserted when you and Sollux arrived at them, just after sunset on the night you were supposed to meet Dave.

Sollux floated above you, his Psiioniics supporting him while he surveyed the area.

You walked below him; Ahab’s Crosshairs drawn in against your hip and ready to fire.

“Hello Mr. Ampora.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Swag Tumblr: http://swwagmebabe.tumblr.com/
> 
> Auto's personal Tumblr: http://eribubblessol.tumblr.com/
> 
> Auto's writing Tumblr: http://autorespawnse.tumblr.com/


	21. Swag 2: Swag Harder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Explanations.

Hi guys.

My name is Aaron, also known as autoRespawnse. I’m the author of Swag.

When I first started the story in 2011, I was really scared to post it. I was very worried that I would get hate mail and that I would feel awful about my story because of it. So imagine my surprise when I heard NO hate at all! I was so happy I just kept writing and writing! I mean, people wanted to read my story! Wow! As Swag progressed, I managed to keep up with it fairly often, even through four moves from one state to another, and finishing out highschool. After my most recent move, though, my writing ability decided to wither away. It’s gotten progressively harder to come up with new chapters. I’ve been working on Chapter 21 on its own for almost six months. Also, the co-author I had in the beginning is gone. There’s no “autoRespawnse, Heimdall” anymore. It’s just me.

To be honest, after I added her as a co-author, I realized that the story wasn’t MINE anymore and because I feel like it isn’t my story anymore, I can’t continue it.

"What now?" Has rung through my mind several times during Chapter 21. "What do I make them do now? How do I make them do it? How do I make it happen?"

I finally figured out how I’m going to do it.

I am currently in the process of re-writing Swag entirely. Dave and Eridan will still be the main characters, and the plot will still be the same, but there are several things I want to expand upon and change and make new. So I’m going to build off what I wrote, and re-do the story.

Thank you for staying with me. I’m sorry that this is so up and down and all over the place. I’m hoping to get back to regular updates as I write.

-Aaron (autoRespawnse)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Swag Tumblr, where there will be constant updates on the new and improved Swag:  
> swwagmebabe.tumblr.com
> 
> My Tumblr, where you can talk to me if you want:  
> reality-rebellion.tumblr.com


End file.
